Diary OF A BURNOUT

MAGAZINE EDITOR, WIFE, COMPETITIVE ATHLETE AND NEW YORKER: HEATHER HALBERSTADT ON A JOURNEY FROM BURNOUT TO BALANCE

On day four of my five days at COMO Parrot Cay, the private island resort in the Turks and Caicos, I walked the beach for 30 minutes – with my eyes closed. COMO Shambhala Spa Director Lisa Manser, who leads guests in a weekly beach walk meditation, was beside me, instructing me to walk slowly, to focus on the sand under my feet, to listen to the waves, to feel the wind and sun. Those initial steps I worried I was going to tip over. I worried I was going to walk into the Atlantic Ocean. I worried about what people thought as they passed me.

But I took in what Lisa said and my mind quieted. Soon the sand was wetter, cooler and smoother. The waves were crashing more intensely. The sun’s heat beat on my face. I was present in the moment and connected to the environment even though I couldn’t see. It was profoundly powerful. When I returned to my room I wrote in my notebook: COMO Shambhala is not so much about recharging and re-energising myself as it is about connecting to myself – and to the world around me. It’s about rekindling my inner fire; it’s about stopping to smell the roses. This is the story of how COMO Shambhala rescued me from burnout. How did I get there? First, a bit about me. I’m a 41-year-old magazine editor, wife, mother, competitive athlete and New Yorker. I’m hard-charging, but I’m also generally cheerful and high-spirited. In a recent span of six months, my boss, whom I loved, was out, which left my new work environment devoid of enthusiasm; I was hit by a cab and required hand surgery; and my seven-year-old son contracted a rare autoimmune illness. All this put a halt to training for a half marathon and two Olympic distance triathlons, including the triathlon national championships in Omaha, Nebraska.

In the midst of physical therapy appointments and hospital visits, I found myself increasingly unable to keep up. I was constantly stressed. I was irritable and detached. I wasn’t sleeping. When I was finally cleared to resume my athletic endeavours I had zero motivation. Frankly, I’d gotten out of sync with my life. My optimistic disposition had been replaced by dread and apathy. I felt…burned out.

People use the term 'burned out' freely to describe, say, an exhausting week of work. I wondered if there was more to it. Googling the phrase reveals some nine million search results. From 10 Ted Talks on the topic to endless links revealing the condition’s tell-tale signs, I quickly grasped that burnout is real – and serious. I was rattled by the symptoms: Lack of control and productivity, loss of enjoyment, chronic stress, difficulty with healthy habits like exercise and regular sleep. Not to mention, “Burnout feeds on energy, passion, enthusiasm and shifts to exhaustion, frustration, disillusionment…”

It was describing me.

Just as I started to feel stressed out about being burned out, I finally had a stroke of luck: A former colleague who’d been on the receiving end of many dreary emails from yours truly describing how the world was against me, suggested I hop on a four-hour plane ride to COMO Parrot Cay's COMO Shambhala Retreat to see if I could “get my head straight".

I was intrigued. She explained that COMO Hotels and Resorts owner Christina Ong founded COMO Shambhala in 2000 at Parrot Cay with the mission of providing a holistic wellness experience that blends traditional Eastern techniques with modern science, coupled with the perfect environment for guests to unwind, revive and discover their best selves while being counselled by the planet’s finest teachers. As the world’s health and wellness category has exploded – it grew 10.6 per cent, to US$3.72 trillion, from 2013 to 2015, according to the Global Wellness Institute – COMO Shambhala has expanded to 14 COMO locations worldwide, while remaining a cutting-edge pioneer in the space. A trip to COMO Parrot Cay sounded like the perfect solution for a crack-case like me.

I was connected to Lisa Manser, whom Christina Ong brought on in early 2017 to rethink COMO Parrot Cay's programming. (Parrot Cay itself also underwent a property renovation that debuted in November 2017.) Lisa is a no-nonsense, whip-smart South African. She’s also a yoga instructor, reflexologist and personal trainer who is working on a naturopathy degree. Her philosophy, like that of COMO Shambhala, is that wellness is more than just good treatments; it’s about putting a person on a different journey, one that’s rooted in the belief that the mind creates the body.

All COMO Shambhala properties offer holistic therapies, activities and healthy cuisine. Lisa wanted me to try the five-day Ayurvedic programme, saying in an email, “We will have you meet our Ayurvedic doctor for an in-depth Ayurvedic consultation and our Pilates guru for a body analysis".

“In-depth Ayurvedic consultation” made me pause. My understanding of Ayurveda was limited, but I knew it involved mindfulness, eating clean, yoga and keeping life simple. I didn’t meditate. I didn’t do cleanses. I loathed yoga. For me, achieving tranquility or a mental reset involved doing a hardcore workout followed by a deep massage. So even though I wanted to fix myself, I arrived doubtful. But I told myself I’d be open minded.

Smartly playing to the athlete in me, Lisa first had me meet

My mind quieted. I was present in the moment

with Pilates instructor Melinda Kausek, who has a certification from two Pilates associations and the National Academy of Sports Medicine. Melinda gave me a gait and strength analysis using Anatomy in Motion 3D stretches and NeuroKinetic Therapy. I learned that my left upper calf is tight and possibly inhibiting my left glute, and that I need to work on pronating my left foot. Surprisingly, I clench my jaw, which puts stress on my neck. She taught me self-correcting stretches and breathing mechanics. The next morning, I met with Melinda for a MetCon Circuit class – TRX, kettlebells, bodyweight exercises. It was tough. I was in my element. Interestingly, for the first time, I found myself thinking about how I was working my body instead of just working out.

From there Lisa began transitioning me out of my comfort zone. Next came my Ayurvedic consultation with Dr Parth Mahajan, who also holds degrees in yoga and naturopathy. Charming and charismatic, he explained that Ayurveda – which is a compound of ayur (life) and veda (knowledge) – means the knowledge of life. We discussed my general health to determine which of Ayurveda’s three doshas (life forces) – vata (air), pitta (fire), and kapha (earth) – is most dominant in me (I'm a pitta). He closed his eyes and for 15 minutes repeatedly touched my right wrist, feeling my pulse. Then he would open his eyes and ask a pointed question like, “Who in your family recently had kidney stones?” “My dad,” I replied. He informed me what precautions to take, as he was sensing I could have stones soon, too. His intuitiveness was eerie. My day ended with an Integrative Massage with Made Mawa, an expert in fixing misalignment and tension that develops due to stressful, office-driven (read: seated) lifestyles. All therapists pass relevant patient information around, so he was aware of my left calf, glute and neck. I finished the day actually feeling taller; lighter on my feet and in my head.

The following three days, I had four other treatments – a Restorative Thai Massage, Reflexology, Lymphatic Massage and Shirodhara (an Ayurvedic stress relieving therapy that involves pouring oil on your forehead) – and three more sessions with Dr Parth (meditation, Reiki, and Pranayama breathing). Working with Dr Parth was illuminating. I’d always thought meditation was about blocking out thoughts, and because I could never make my mind go blank, I’d decided meditation wasn't for me. To the contrary, Dr Partha said. Meditation is about being present. It isn’t about detaching one’s mind but being at peace with it. “Your mind is like society's garbage bin,” he said in my Reiki session. “Everybody that goes by stuffs something in your head. You have no choice as to what to receive and from whom. Once you have this awareness, you will see thought is a conscious process. If you want to think, you think, otherwise there is nothing in your head, and that is how it should be. Just the beauty of emptiness.”

I went deeper into Dr Parth’s teaching and attended one of his group Ayurvedic wellness talks, which are open to all guests twice a week. He laid out, among other things, the health benefits of using coconut oil, ranging from holding it in your mouth for 60 to 90 seconds after you brush your teeth each morning, to rubbing it into your soles before bed.

The days progressed and the noise in my head lulled. As I walked around the island’s 1,000 acres, I realised my stride had slowed. I’d stop to look up at the sky, or pause to notice a carpet of bright pink blossoms that had collected on the ground under a tree. I was figuratively stopping to smell the roses.

The beach walk meditation was the high point. I’d come in skeptical as to whether five days with COMO Shambhala could pull me out of my funk. Yes, I was leaving restored, recharged, and refocused. But I was also leaving enlightened. I said as much to Dr Parth on my final day. He scoffed and told me I was a smarter writer than to use such flowery words. I told him I’ve always considered myself very healthy, but that I now realised it was no wonder I’d burned myself out. Health and wellness is not so much about the body as it is about the mind. And now I was better equipped to nourish mine, which was enlightening. I’ve been home for a month now. During my stay at COMO Parrot Cay, I worried about re-entry to real life. It is one thing to keep up the breathing exercises, meditation and not concerning yourself with how long it takes to get from point A to point B when on a secluded island. It’s another thing to maintain it returning to New York City’s frenetic day-to-day life. I can report much has stuck with me. My energy and enthusiasm is back. I switched up my work environment, and I didn't push myself to race either triathlon because my training wasn't there. But I did score an entry into the New York City marathon and I’m running with vigour again. I’m drinking hot tea with lemon before meals (a Dr Parth suggestion), and I’m using coconut oil, too. I did a beach walk meditation along the coast in Maine, and I have modified it for walks in Central Park. I’m not practicing Pranayama as much as I’d like. But I am conscious of trying to be in the moment, stopping to figuratively smell the roses, even on the streets of New York City.

The writer stayed at COMO Parrot Cay on the Ayurvedic programme. A number of other programmes are available at COMO Parrot Cay for three-, five- or seven-night stays. COMO Shambhala has expert therapists and consultants providing world-class instruction in yoga, Pilates, meditation, Ayurveda, cleansing, nutrition and more. For further information, visit comohotels.com/parrotcay.