Parting Shot: Lessons learnt from children
As a parent, you have an overwhelming sense of responsibility to teach your kids the right thing. Overnight you become this role model, this personification of virtue, put on a pedestal where you can do no wrong. I watch my words, my temper, my table manners and even whether I’m enforcing gender stereotypes. Yet, in this great effort to be a good mother, I realised I was missing out on the little things that my daughter was teaching me. There’s so much one can learn from a child – one with no inhibitions, no complexes or preconceived notions.
As an expat, and now an expat mum, I’ve faced my share of challenges settling into Singapore. Whether it’s struggles with finding employment or developing an emotional connection with the place, I still have my good and bad days. I often fretted about being away from home, but then my daughter taught me that home is where her father and I are. It’s where family stays together. I’m amazed at how easily she has befriended people with just a genuine smile and a little hand raised to shake another. Of course, it helps that she is deliciously cute!
But as I saw her at play the other day, I realised how much we forget as we grow up and become “sensible”. For example, how much wonder there is in the little things around us: an aeroplane flying across the sky, a flower fallen from a tree after rain, a cute dog or cat, the old auntie in a food court, or kids thrashing around in the pool. Each day I spend with her I feel like I’m looking at the world all over again, only with her sense of wonder and excitement.
My daughter has taught me that there is nothing that cannot be overcome, especially with some cuddling. She has the blessed fortune of being young enough to forget and move on in minutes. If only life were that easy for us. Maybe it is; maybe we too could be as positive, leaving past bitterness behind and looking forward to our next adventure.
My daughter lives in the present, and every moment is something to look forward to. She is slowly building memories and is scared every time she sees a lizard, but for the most part, she’s like the toy slate we had as kids: one swipe, and she erases any moment of disgruntlement. She has taught me that patience can be limitless; it’s up to you to push your self-control and stamina.
The most important lesson I’ve learnt is the immense determination we’re all born with. When my daughter wants something, she can bring the house down till she gets it. Where does that focus go? If we’re programmed to survive and get what we want, where do we lose the passion to chase our dreams in adulthood? She has given me the strength and confidence to start writing again, and pursue the dreams that got shoved to the back of the closet, behind employment issues, motherhood, adjustment problems and cultural differences. I want to be what I aspired to be, so that she can believe that her dreams are achievable too – even if that dream currently is to climb on to the sofa and break all my nice picture frames.
So, thank you, daughter. Sleep deprivation can cloud our vision and prevent us from being truly amazed by a little person growing up, and becoming an individual with a personality. I’m glad I took these moments to write about what an awesome, sweet and confident little girl you are and how much you’ve changed my life, and in all ways for the better.