The Lonely Expat Housewife of Singapore
Another weekend by the pool with my kids. Six arms and six legs wrapped around me. Three mouths shouting “Mummy, look at me! Look at what I’m doing!”
On the outside I offer a smile, “Wow! Look at you!” On the inside... I want to scream! I am so tired! I am so lost! I am so lonely!
It seems like I have too much time to think and not enough time to do anything.
My children are young and suck up my energy. I’m tired of nagging and bedtime routines. I have willingly signed up for this role: an expat family with children born into foreign countries; an expat spouse, following my husband’s career across multiple international locations.
As my chosen destiny, it is my “job” to look after our family while my husband travels for work. However, this job isn’t easy. It’s had a lot of constraints. My husband is the sponsored worker with the valid employment visa (aka, “God”!). He is the reason why we are here, and I’m constantly reminded of this. I feel like I am the invisible sidekick who follows him along.
Find a job then?
So, I’ll put the job idea on hold until my children are older. Now is the time to make the most of being unemployed. I should find a hobby! Get fit! Start a business! I want this, but it must fit into my children’s schedule. They come first and they are the most important. It must also fit into my husband’s schedule, because that’s technically my job: to meet everyone else’s needs.
I know, I should break away and do something for me. But the truth is, it’s difficult to commit to things because I am depleted.
I try to make friends but what I’ve learnt with expat friendships is that they easily fizzle out unless you have a unique blend of circumstances. Longer-term friendships are hard to find, and conversations beyond a polite “hello” are almost impossible. But I’ve done this before. I know the drill...
Swipe right if you are: In need a friend. You have kids. Your free time fits into my free time. You live nearby. You like to do things. You will laugh at all my jokes.
Husband calls. Everything is great! Kids are great! I am great! He’s far away. Now is not the right time to complain. Don’t bring up issues. Real conversations are better saved for a date night. His time is limited and it’s best not to dwell on things that I can fix myself.
I should feel grateful for this experience, but the truth is, I wish for a purpose here and I desperately want Singapore to feel like home.
Dear recruiter, I need a f lexible job. I absolutely cannot travel because my husband travels. Ideally, the salary must be comparable to my old career. I haven’t worked in 8 years. P S: I am a DP holder.