People Profile:

Women who inspire

The first time I met Nancy Kwon, she told me her husband Stephan Danninger calls her “The Closer”. Why? Because she’s usually the last one to leave an event as she’s having so much fun!

Since then, I’ve learnt that there’s much more to Nancy than her life-of-the-party persona.

Tell us about your expat journey.

This is actually my first experience as an expat! But I was born and raised in Seoul, and moved to the US when I was 10. So, my journey is more about being an immigrant than an expat. Having migrated to America with no English-language skills and knowing no one except my family, I really have empathy for expats who come to Singapore feeling much the same way.

What challenges did you face?

Life is all about learning from your challenges and then helping others do the same. There are a few barriers I’ve come up against and had to find solutions for – language is one. I know from experience it’s hard to feel like you belong when you can’t really understand what people are talking about. In Singapore, I lead a discussion group of Korean and Japanese women. There are about 10 of us and I introduce a new topic for each meeting. Usually, the topics are about current events or American culture. It’s often really practical help, especially for ladies whose English isn’t great. I tell them, “People like it when you ask about what you don’t know”; but that’s often hard for Asian women, culturally. So, I’m happy to provide a safe space where they can discuss English terms or cultural references they don’t understand. In return, I get to keep practicing my Korean and keeping up with current Korean culture.

Culture can be another barrier. One of my priorities as a PTA Board member at SAIS is inclusion. This is a deeper concept than diversity; it’s about creating an atmosphere where everyone – regardless of nationality, heritage, language, sexuality or ability – feels welcome and part of the community. Removing barriers that keep folks from fully engaging is a crucial part of building community. Kids need to see themselves represented through books, videos, teachers, administrators and such. And some parents just need a little encouragement to get involved. For example, we asked the school library to hold a separate information session for South Korean mothers so they could understand that they don’t need to speak a lot of English to volunteer there.

What has helped you to adjust to a new country?

Relationships; it’s so important to build connections!

As a kid, I found my tribe with other Korean kids learning English as a second language in school. It was so comforting to have friends I could speak Korean with and who shared the same cultural background, but who also had been in America longer. Eventually, I was confident enough to meet more kids and became more comfortable in American culture. I’ve always been a “people person” and being able to put that skill to use was life changing.

My family says I get my personality from my grandmother. She was widowed at an early age and raising kids on her own, so she had to work. She found a way to make a living from being a people person – she became a grain broker between rural farmers and urban markets. Her tenacity and determination are such an inspiration to me.

What else inspires you?

Sex! Just kidding… sort of. Early in my career, I worked as a clinician in the practice founded by Dr Marcia Storch, the first self-proclaimed feminist physician. Dr Storch believed in educating women about our own bodies so we can play a more active role in our own healthcare. That concept was relatively unheard of when she first started out! My experience there taught me to be an advocate for women’s voices.

Many of our patients were initially afraid to ask questions about their anatomy or sex life. These were powerful, educated, wealthy women. If they could barely bring themselves to talk about it, what hope was there for other women? Later, I moved on to Planned Parenthood, which plays a big part in removing barriers to birth control and medical services, especially for teens and underprivileged women. Sex education and female empowerment have been a focus for me ever since.

I still talk a lot about sex; I want people to know that it’s not dirty or taboo. Parents should have conversations with their kids about sex and contraception. Teens also need to know how to build healthy relationships and recognise unhealthy ones. Even little kids need to know things like correct names for genitals and what consent means. I make a point to be really open with my kids about sex. I buy condoms wherever I travel as souvenirs and give them to my teenage sons, which mostly just makes them laugh. All jokes aside, I do it because I don’t ever want them to feel shy or ashamed about being safe and responsible.

Family ties: “My husband Stephan is Austrian. We adopted my younger son Jonas from South Korea at age one; he’s now 13. We tease my older son Jakob, 17, that he’s the only one who can run for President in America because he’s the only one of us who was born there!”

Hidden talent: “Taking drum lessons so I can play with the band The Killers. They invite people on stage to play the drums on a song called ‘Reasons Unknown’. That’s my dream!”

Best family bonding: “Helping others. When our kids were little, they donated their birthday money to a local day-care for homeless children. Now that they’re older, we volunteer delivering meals through The Soup Kitchen Project. We also do a fun music programme once a week at Marymount Centre. Sometimes it’s singing and other times we’re dancing and being silly. No matter what we’re doing, we like to have fun together!”

Travel tip: “Travel with purpose. It’s such a great concept that combines travel with a charity, to which part of your travel package is donated. Last year, I attended the Women4Impact event in Bhutan, and visited the first law school there. Another trip, which was cancelled because of COVID-19, was to Mumbai through an organisation called EmancipAction. The charity works with girls who have been trafficked or abused. While it was unfortunate to miss out on the trip, I was glad our donations went to the group anyway.”

Removing barriers that keep folks from fully engaging is a crucial part of building community.