COUPLE CONCERNS

Any existing issues you’ve got before moving overseas are, unfortunately, likely to worsen with the pressures of living abroad, explains HO SHEE WAI, registered psychologist and director of The Counselling Place.

A marriage counsellor, she says, can be instrumental in helping couples work through the emotions that come with life’s challenges. Here, she shares three common concerns that couples are facing these days – and how counselling can help.

Navigating hybrid working #1 arrangements

“Just when couples had gotten used to the work-from-home model, they’ve got to figure it all out again. This is especially challenging for families with childcare arrangements to sort out.”

But, it’s more than figuring out a new routine, says Shee Wai. Couples are needing to figure out boundaries – for instance, “Are we together too much or too little as a couple?” and “Are we doing enough bonding when we are together?”

“Counselling can help open up conversation and negotiation about what’s working and what’s not for both partners, and facilitate the couple to come to an agreement that both can live with.”

Money matters #2

This is a major challenge for many couples, often starting with each partner managing their own money, which kind of works until they have joint financial responsibilities such as children, or if one partner loses their earning power or one partner earns substantially lower than the other, says Shee Wai. And, even when partners manage their money separately, they’re still likely to have strong opinions about the other’s money management.

Shee Wai says counselling can help the couple deal with their issues of trust, fear and independence, and find a joint financial management model that works for both, taking into account each person’s goals, values and needs.

Intimacy issues #3

“After years of routine, a relationship can feel stale,” says Shee Wai, “and many couples report that they feel the intimacy has disappeared, be it sexual or emotional. They think they know what their partner will do or say, and just react in anticipation to that. Curiosity about who their partner is as a person disappears because they think they ‘know’.”

“Counselling can help the couple to find the spark in the relationship by introducing new behaviours, activities, and communications to try,” she adds. “It asks questions that the couple has forgotten to ask each other or never thought to ask each other in the first place. Additionally, counselling can identify past issues that may impact abilities to be intimate with each other, sexually or emotionally, and find ways to overcome them.”