SINGLE AND SUPER AT LOVE

She’s never had a boyfriend. But MEGHAN LEE has become an unlikely relationship therapist for her pals – thanks to years of watching and helping others get through heartbreak.

t 26, I’m pretty much the last woman standing – I’m the only single person in my group of eight close girlfriends. I’ve had a limited dating history and I’ve never been in a serious relationship.

You could say I’m like Katherine Heigl’s character in the fi lm 27 Dresses – always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Hollywood references aside, I don’t know who my leading man is going to be. I’m still searching for someone I click with, who shares my sense of humour.

And yet, not only do I embrace singlehood, I dare say I’m considered a bit of a love guru among my friends.

Believe it or not, I am the sounding board for my attached pals. Numerous meetings at Starbucks and long phone conversations with friends who are distraught and angry at their partners can attest to my role as therapist. People often ask in astonishment, “Hey, how did you get so good at relationships?”

Often, it takes someone outside the relationship to see its problems. Besides, being single for years has allowed me to closely observe the relationship disasters that have plagued my friends. By helping others recover from heartbreak, I’ve gathered the collective experience of my friends and have turned into a one-stop source for relationship advice.

I’ve counselled a girlfriend, whom I always thought of as strong-minded and independent, against making numerous compromises just to save a relationship. At one point, she was even considering moving closer to where her man’s parents live just to please him, even though she’s always valued her own space.

In another instance, I had to have a frank and honest discussion with a friend who was dating a hot-tempered, verbally abusive man. Though everyone else could see he was bad news, she believed she could change him and argued that their relationship wasn’t problematic – it was “passionate”. Only after I explained to her that his alcohol-fuelled tirades could lead to physical violence did she realise that passion and anger were not the same.

I’ve counselled friends against returning to bad relationships by reminding them why they broke up in the first place. And when my friends start dating new people, I caution them against rushing into a relationship after a few dates. I tell them, if a man is sincerely interested, it makes no difference if you become an item today or two months down the road. A genuine love is one in which labels don’t matter – and changing your status on Facebook doesn’t determine when a relationship begins.

I don’t give naive, idealistic advice like “Maybe you need to spice things up!” when it’s clear the relationship has reached the end of its road. That said, I don’t dish out “tough love” either and tell them bluntly to dump the jerk – that’s not me. But I do ask questions like “Why would he assume that?’ or “Is this always an issue for you?” – I find that this lets my friends discover for themselves where the problem lies.

Simple things like communicating more with your partner and dealing with problems as they come along seem like no-brainers. Yet, I’ve seen how people forget and let easily fi xable issues become stumbling blocks in their relationships.

People might assume that I get fed up with dishing out love advice while remaining single, but I take it in my stride. Besides, when the time comes, this bank of knowledge I’m building up will serve me well. Hopefully, it won’t be too far from now.