“IF YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE, THEN YOU’LL FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IN GENERAL.”

“We’ve been conditioned to think: the more sex the better. But there are no rules or formulas when it comes to sex frequency,” says Shee Wai.

It’s up to you and your husband to decide how much sex is enough to satisfy you, she adds.

What typically affects a couple’s sex life are factors such as age, lifestyle, sex drive, health and the quality of the relationship. It can also uctuate depending on the phase of life you’re in, explains Jessica Lamb, a psychotherapist and founder of Relationship Matters, a centre that offers counselling to couples.

“The frequency of sexual intimacy is a very personal thing and uctuates throughout your life… For instance, many couples who had sex three or four times a week at the start may have sex once or twice a week after a few years as a more secure and comfortable connection develops.

Often, when children come along, a couple’s sex life takes a back seat – it can become harder to prioritise sexual intimacy when one or both partners are tired, stressed or busy with family and work commitments,” says Jessica. Want more sex? Ask for it Never compare your sex life to that of your friends, advises Jessica. This will only cause anxiety, confusion and resentment.

If you are unhappy with how often you’re having sex, talk about your needs with your spouse and what sexual intimacy means to each of you.

“The frequency of sexual activity, or lack of it, interferes with your quality of life. It might become a contentious topic in your relationship or affect your ability to be intimate with your partner,” Shee Wai explains.

Approach the subject delicately so it doesn’t come across as you attacking him or placing the blame on him. It’s also important to “nd out if your husband is stressed and what’s taking up his energy and attention”, Jessica advises. “If you can help him de-stress or relax, he might be more receptive to sex.” “Most sex therapists agree that if you’re having sex less than 10 times a year, your relationship can be labelled ‘sexless’,” says Shee Wai. “But a lack of sex doesn’t always spell trouble for a relationship. What matters is that both of you are satised with the frequency. That being said, when couples stop having sex, feelings of anger and disappointment may set in and they may become emotionally detached, which may hurt the marriage in the long run.”

*Names have been changed

Dangers of a sexless relationship Is there an ideal number?