Having Your First Home

MILESTONE Constantly spending time with the same person in the same space means you have to learn to live with his quirks – even if some of them infuriate you. Because even if those peculiar aspects spark a row, you can’t just storm off to your respective homes the way you used to when you were dating.

During this stressful transition period, it can be helpful to think of living together as a joint business venture, says Neo Eng Chuan, principal psychologist at Caperspring. “Think of it [and run it] in a functional way. This means you put issues on the table, clarify expectations, provide clear direction and assess results – the way a business does,” he says. This will go some way to preventing resentment from building between you and your husband.

Another way to reduce At this stage, the couple is not just husband and wife, but also father and mother. And one of the biggest problems in this phase is assuming that your partner “should know” what to do or how you’re feeling.

The thing is, while your husband may know who you are as a wife, he’s still getting to know you as a mother. It’s your job to ll him in on your new emotions and what he has to do to accommodate them, says Benny Bong, principal family and marital therapist at The Family Therapist.

Eng Chuan agrees. “Many times, people don’t take steps to clarify exactly what it is that they need,” he says. “When they articulate a need, the scope of the problem narrows and becomes an issue that can be resolved, rather than a negative and unhappy emotion that leaves the other partner guessing.”