ASK JAY

Herworld (Singapore) - - NEWS -

Got a re­la­tion­ship prob­lem? Our man about town, Ja­son God­frey, is here to help.

My fi­ance wants to quit his day job to start his own busi­ness. I want to sup­port him, but I’m wor­ried we’ll lose our fi­nan­cial se­cu­rity if the whole thing flops. Am I be­ing self­ish, and do I need to get past my own hang-ups?

You’re not be­ing self­ish, you’re just wor­ried. And rightly so, as many new busi­nesses don’t suc­ceed. But that be­ing said, start­ing your own busi­ness can lead to a much more ful­fill­ing life. The key here is to help your fi­ance man­age the fi­nan­cial risks. You don’t need to pour your own cap­i­tal into a new busi­ness. Find other ways to get money, or ways to start the busi­ness on a smaller scale be­fore go­ing the whole hog and mort­gag­ing the house. In any case, you guys are in this to­gether, so make de­ci­sions with each other, and sup­port each other even when you have doubts. A lit­tle sup­port from a spouse can go a long way. I never know what to ex­pect on a first date, and I’m al­ways ner­vous about screw­ing it up. What’s the se­cret to hav­ing a great one and get­ting a call­back for a se­cond date?

Have a drink be­fore the date. Yes, re­ally. No one’s ask­ing you to get com­pletely sloshed – just get buzzed enough to re­lax, so you can get com­fort­able with be­ing your­self. If you’re ner­vous and watch­ing ev­ery­thing you say, that in­se­cu­rity will stop you from be­ing you at your best. If that’s not your jam, try speed dat­ing. Think of it as drills that help you get com­fort­able with meet­ing new peo­ple. Af­ter all, prac­tice makes per­fect, right?

My boyfriend and I have been dat­ing for two months. I found out that he re­cently In­sta­gram DM’ed a fe­male friend and com­pli­mented her photo, say­ing she looked re­ally pretty in it. I know he used to have a thing for her. Why would he do that, and should I bring it up? Men with girl­friends prob­a­bly shouldn’t be send­ing DMs to old crushes to tell them how pretty they look. Maybe I’m just old-fash­ioned like that. Ca­su­ally bring it up to see if he was mes­sag­ing her be­cause he needed a favour, and the com­pli­ment was just a tac­tic to re-en­gage. If there’s no good rea­son, and com­pli­ment­ing women on In­sta is just a thing of his, you might wanna move on.

My hus­band splurges on stuff like ac­tion fig­ures, col­lectibles and video games. I think they clut­ter our house and are a waste of money. How do I get him to stop?

You can’t stop the boys’ toys. You might as well ac­cept that they’ll just keep on com­ing. The best you can hope for is con­tain­ment. This is why man caves ex­ist. Give him his own space to in­dulge his col­lectible fetish and dis­play all his beloved ac­tion fig­ures. You may not un­der­stand his love of toy ro­bots and paint­ing them new colours, but he doesn’t un­der­stand some of the things you spend your money on ei­ther. Ev­ery­one has dif­fer­ent in­ter­ests, and as long as bound­aries are drawn and your home doesn’t look like the store­room of a col­lectibles shop, it’s all good.

Oooh, you look re­ally good… or is it the bub­bly talk­ing?

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