DO YOU HAVE DECISION PARALYSIS?

When making simple everyday decisions, do you end up stressed, exhausted and secondguessing yourself? You’re not just wishy-washy – there’s a reason for the anxiety.

If making simple everyday decisions stresses you out, you may have an underlying problem.

There are indecisive people who mull over what to have for lunch, and then there’s my friend Kat*. When seconded to an office in another building, she found the sheer number of food choices so overwhelming that she ended up making a 10-minute hike back to her previous office for the tried-and-tested.

Kat gets anxious when making simple, everyday decisions. Grappling with them exhausts her. Weighing up whether to spend an evening doing yoga or grabbing drinks with friends can consume her entire day, as she bounces the merits of each option back and forth in her mind.

Sounds like a first-world problem? But Kat says: “I have a mandatory mental process, where I need to rationalise each possibility before deciding on the best course of action – I’m not willing to risk settling for a decision that’s second-best.”

Kat isn’t just indecisive, she has decision paralysis – the complete lack of ability to decide. She’s tried coping mechanisms like having go-to choices (for example, sets of clothes to wear to work), asking friends to decide on activities, or imposing a time frame for decisions. But the fact remains that when Kat is faced with too many options, she just can’t make a choice.

Vyda S. Chai, a clinical psychologist at Think Psychological Services, cautions that “difficulties in making decisions can be a sign of extreme stress, anxiety and depression”, and if left unchecked, could lead to self-doubt and low self-esteem. The stress of feeling inundated with choices can distort your perception of the world and yourself, she adds. So it’s important to realise that a so-called “wrong” decision isn’t all that bad.

Camille Ko, a counsellor trained in cognitive behavioural therapy, adds: “For something as simple as choosing lunch, technically, there’s no ‘wrong’ answer. Even if you regret your choice, so what? There’s always tomorrow.”

Vyda points to a bigger issue. “If you have difficulty making decisions, there’s a high chance that you’re afraid of something. Think about where this fear comes from, and recognise triggers that cloud your mind.” Is it a fear of missing out? Or of failure? Or insecurities about being second best? Once you’ve established the reason for your discomfort, ask yourself how much sense it makes. And if this reflection leads you nowhere, seek help. There’s never something “too small” to ask a professional for advice on.

It’s a huge mental shift from seeing options as “good” and “bad” to just choice A and choice B. “You need to train yourself to think of pros and cons without being emotionally affected,” says Vyda. This will only come with awareness, and constant practice in challenging your previous choice patterns. Decisions aren’t scary in themselves – we just make them out to be bigger than they are. Once you understand that, you’ll start reclaiming agency over your choices.

*Name has been changed.