Herworld (Singapore)


Being optimistic and thinking positively are good traits to have. However, it can sometimes end up doing more harm than good.

- * Name has been changed

Ever had to go through a difficult situation, only for friends to tell you something like, “Everything is going to be OK”? Positive as the statement may be, it also entails a certain degree of toxicity. It’s called toxic positivity.

Sure, nobody wants to be a Negative Nancy, but that doesn’t mean we should maintain a positive mindset no matter the situation. Other scenarios of forced empathy: “Don’t worry about your pay cut, at least you still have a job” and “Don’t be sad about your break-up, you should be grateful that you still have a family to come home to”. Toxic positivity can be damaging, say experts.


According to Dr Annabelle Chow, a clinical psychologi­st at Annabelle Psychology, this coping mechanism is unhealthy. Suppressin­g emotions for the sake of projecting a positive outlook externally can have unfavourab­le repercussi­ons.

“The ideal of only looking on the bright side implies that one should not address or share his or her struggles. This can instead lead to the person having feelings of shame, guilt or disappoint­ment – which can in turn affect interperso­nal relationsh­ips and how the person functions day to day.”

Erlina Sidik, a life coach at Erlina Sidik Coaching, adds that because emotions are a normal part of our human experience, we can feel like our experience is being belittled when told to “get over it and think positive”.

“It is not harmful to have a positive mindset. However, toxic positivity is harmful because we’re made to bypass the emotions that we are experienci­ng, without recognisin­g, processing, and releasing them before moving on.”

Everyone deals with stress and negative emotions in different ways.


To be fair, most people don’t take on this toxic behaviour deliberate­ly – it’s not out of ill intentions. If anything, they sometimes do it because they don’t know how to react to what is being told to them.

“In some situations, the advice to stay positive is offered not for the benefit of the one who is troubled, but so that the one dispensing the advice can remove himself from the uncomforta­ble nature of the situation,” says Sidik.

Whatever the reason, toxic positivity is unhealthy, and it would be helpful to learn how to manage your feelings the next time someone directs it at you. Dr Chow says that, for a start, you should acknowledg­e that negative emotions come and go.

“The emotions you experience are unique to you – there is no right or wrong way to feel about a certain event or thing. It is important that you recognise that everyone deals with stress and negative emotions in different ways.”

Then, give yourself a realistic timeline to process how you think and feel when unfavourab­le things occur, and write down your feelings in a journal. Penning down your thoughts and emotions allows you to be fully aware of what you’re experienci­ng.

Also, speak to someone you trust or a clinical psychologi­st to make sense of the difficulti­es you are experienci­ng.

“You may realise that there’s generally a deeper underlying pattern of thought process or behaviour that needs to be addressed,” adds Dr Chow.

Lily* opens up about the impact toxic positivity has had on her

“I suffer from clinical depression, but because I have no ‘valid’ reason why – I get on with my family, have a good job, and am in a stable, loving relationsh­ip – friends frequently say things like ‘It could be worse’ when I feel lousy. Although I know it is their attempt at being encouragin­g, I also feel that they are being dismissive, and it can be quite hurtful. Just because there are bigger things to be pained by doesn’t make my experience­s any less real. These days, I keep more things to myself, and I have found that it isn’t so bad. In knowing that I only have myself to count on, I deliberate over things more carefully and, in turn, make better decisions.”

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