STOLEN MY HEART & BLANKET

Thinking of moving in with your significant other and wondering what you should know before taking the leap? I’m laughing right now; that’s not how that works. In the film Three Kings, George Clooney’s character gets asked, “How do you get brave?” He replies, “First, you do the thing that you’re scared of, then you get the bravery after.” It might not make any sense, but yes, that’s exactly what happens when you want to move in together.

Oh, the things you’ll learn once you’re nicely settled in and can no longer easily extricate yourself from the situation because your PS5 is all hooked up and you’ve already bought a wicked Prism. For example, she never replaces the toilet paper, but instead screams for you to bring her a new roll. Or, she’s a blanket hog, rolling about in her sleep to make you a girlfriend burrito. Or, she can really be very gassy. But by the time you figure all this out, it’s too late to do anything except to figure out how to live with her. But let’s be fair, you aren’t the perfect (and gas-less) being either. Moving in together is about taking the plunge and learning to compromise, because that’s what living with someone is about. Have fun and eat less gasinducing foods.