“I hope there can be more fairness towards single unwed mothers.”

– Nur Haryati Adali is a 39-year-old single mum to two daughters aged 10 and 19. She opens up about the challenges she has faced, and how she worked to overcome them.

“As a single unwed mother, I could not receive the Baby Bonus cash gift that other parents get. And, I do not enjoy the same tax reliefs.

When my children were younger, I faced difficulties securing a home due to financial issues – my part-time jobs were not enough to pay my rent. And because they were already schooling then, I had to think about how to continue supporting them despite the possibility of homelessness. Thankfully, my children were able to live with my ex-partner at that time, and I received financial support and housing subsidies from the Government with the help of my social worker at Ang Mo Kio Family Service Centre. The funds enabled me to get a subsidised flat, where I still live with my daughters.

It’s hard for me to have a stable job due to my irregular schedule as a caregiver. I previously did food and parcel deliveries, and currently work as an ad hoc housekeeper. Some people think that I earn money through unsavoury methods as they don’t believe that a single mother can support her children, but everything I’ve achieved is through hard work. Even when I’m at home, I find ways to earn extra income by selling household products and supplements through Carousell and Facebook Live.

Being a single mum and the sole breadwinner is tough, but it has taught me independence and to instil this trait in my children. What happened to me in the past made me learn how to manage in the present, and how I will do so in the future. I try to be emotionally strong for my children to make sure that they are not affected by the struggles that we go through. I make sure to put on a smile and a strong front for them, so they can feel safe and well-supported.

I hope there can be more fairness towards single unwed mothers. We do not have a lot of documents that make us eligible for formal support and it’d be great to have parenthood initiatives that are more inclusive towards unwed parents. In addition, I hope that there will be less judgement when rendering help – judgement is a source of shame for many unwed parents, and can be a deterrent for them to seek support.”