Let Your Emotions Go
Have a flaky friend who always bails on plans? Here’s how you can share how you feel while addressing the situation effectively.
Sarah Ng, a 42-year-old occupational therapist, has a flaky friend: “She cancels plans at the very last minute, or shows up very late for appointments – like three hours late – if she knows other people will be around. She’s just very unreliable.”
The two have been friends since their teens and have kept in touch, despite both moving away from Singapore at various points. Sarah admits that she didn’t mind it as much when they were younger, but now that she’s older, she finds it “quite trying”. She has never spoken to her friend about it – as she thinks “it would be weird” – but has been minimising their meet-ups lately.
Grace Loh, psychotherapist, counsellor and coach at Counselling Perspective, notes that it’s important to approach the situation with understanding, considering potential underlying reasons for their behaviour, such as anxiety or stress, while also advocating for one’s own needs in the friendship. Here are her tips for dealing with a flaky friend:
1. Clearly communicate your expectations concerning commitments and follow-through in the friendship, establishing a foundation of mutual understanding.
2. Express how their flakiness impacts you emotionally and socially, underlining the significance of reliability for maintaining trust and closeness in the relationship.
3. Setting boundaries regarding future interactions is essential; this could involve limiting the frequency of making plans or reassessing the level of investment in the friendship if the behaviour persists.
4. Prioritising self-care is equally important, as it entails engaging in activities and relationships that promote personal fulfilment and support, even if it means creating distance from the flaky friend.