An Expat Dad on Family Life in Singapore
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your family.
I‘m originally from the UK and I’ve been living here for 21 years. After drama school, I worked sporadically as an actor in the UK and travelled briefly to Thailand, which was my first experience of Southeast Asia – and I loved it.
One day, while desperately trying to find acting work, I saw a job offer for a drama teacher in Singapore. After an interview in London, ten days later I was over here, working at the Julia Gabriel Centre. The plan was to work for a year and then go home. Luckily, I created a Plan B: I continued to work as a teacher and actor, met and married my wife Fiona and had two children! My son Finlay is 17 and my daughter Ruby is 14.
Were Finlay and Ruby born in Singapore?
Yes, they were both born at Thomson Medical Centre.
What do you remember from around that time, and the role you played both at the hospital itself and in the early weeks at home?
It was a while ago so my memories are a little vague! My main role at the hospital was support – just being there and trying to be a calming presence. Once we got home, at night I was often the “walker”, pacing up and down with baby to put them to sleep.
Changing nappies: worst thing ever or just a part of the process? Rate your nappychanging abilities out of 10.
Just a part of the process (and occasionally the worst thing ever…). In my distant memories of nappy changing, I would say I was a 7.
We chat with ANDY TEAR, a drama teacher at Stamford American International School, who has watched his children grow from newborn babies to busy teens while living in Singapore.
What was your role in the feeding process?
Once the children went to solid food, Fiona would make a variety of fresh pureed fruit and vegetables, and I would help with the feeding.
Is there something you became an expert at while raising your babies that you never expected to be good at?
I’ve thought long and hard about this and unfortunately I can’t think of anything! I’m not sure I reached the “expert” level of proficiency in anything! One day you may feel like an expert, and then the next... When they were toddlers, I would have said “negotiation”, but now that they’re teens I don’t feel like an expert in that anymore!
Was sleep deprivation an issue for Fiona or for you?
We were lucky with both of our children and were usually only woken up once in the night. However, our sleep time was reduced, of course, and, apart from joining the baby for an occasional nap at the weekend, it’s something we just “got used to”.
What’s the product you couldn’t (and can’t!) do without for your children?
When they were babies, Sudocrem. Now they’re older, they have their own go-to products – we just have to finance them!
What’s one thing you used to do before you had kids that you then couldn’t do as a dad?
Not a lot, really. I used to work as a percussionist with DJs in several clubs in Singapore, so that stopped when Finlay was born.
What are your tips for travelling with kids?
We were very lucky with both children; they travel well. I think perfecting the timing of naps or the previous night’s sleep before a flight helps.
Where’s the best place you’ve travelled to with the family and why?
There are so many – we are lucky living here. Most recently (in fact, the last trip we took outside Singapore), we went on a boat, the Merdeka Spaboat, around the islands in Phuket. It was one of the best family holidays we’ve had: snorkelling, kayaking, jumping off the boat, lounging on deck – it had everything!
What activities do your kids enjoy? Did they have a favourite playground when they were younger?
Finlay goes to the gym and plays rugby at school. Ruby is a keen horse rider – she is at the Singapore Polo Club four times a week. They used to love the trampoline parks like BOUNCE.
What’s your favourite free activity with your children in Singapore?
We spend a lot of time in our neighbourhood, Seletar Camp, where we’ve been living for close to 17 years. We’re lucky to have close friends as neighbours. Much of our free time is spent walking our dog Banjo round the area, taking bike rides and visiting friends. We also occasionally go to Sentosa, to Tanjong Beach.
What local dishes do your kids enjoy at hawker centres?
We live near Jalan Kayu, so roti prata is a given. The kids also like chicken rice, nasi lemak, mee goreng and more! One local favourite we have occasionally is black pepper crab at Hua Yu Wee in Upper East Coast Road; Finlay has been a huge fan of the deep-fried baby squid there since he was about six!
Sounds adventurous! How did you get your children to have a good attitude towards food?
I do believe that letting them experience different flavours and tastes while they are babies is important. With our children, I can’t take any credit for that – my wife Fiona was adept at preparing meals with various ingredients from the moment they could eat solids.
What’s your approach towards your children and screen time and devices?
I think balance is important. My children do like their screens, however they also spend quite a bit of time outdoors, they both exercise regularly, and they spend time with their friends. I think since I was young, the amount of screen time hasn’t changed so much, but the “type” of screen time has changed, and the interaction is different. However, what’s most important is that there is a balance with more healthy outdoor activities.
What are the best and worst things about being an expat dad?
I’m not sure I can speak for all the expat dads. We’re not “expats” in the same way as some who’ve spent a few years here and there; Fiona was born in Singapore and I’ve been here for over 20 years! The “best things” list is a long one – living in Singapore; the children having so many opportunities; the education; the lifestyle and so on.
My mum has lived in Singapore for the past 10 years, so I’m in the unique position of having family close by, which I think for many expats is one of the negative factors bringing up a family in a different country. It’s become even more relevant with the current world situation; getting back to Scotland to see Fiona’s dad, sister and family is something we will do as soon as we can.
Any advice for expat men in Singapore who are about to become fathers for the first time?
I think listening to advice may be useful! And being prepared is essential. But a huge part of being a parent is just finding your own way and enjoying the time with your little ones, because they quickly become big ones!