Best. Dad. Ever

Men's Health (Singapore) - - ON THE COVER - *Co­me­dian Rob Corddry, fa­ther of two, ap­pears on Ballers, air­ing now on HBO.

Here’s 13 tricks to make sure your kid thinks you’re the great­est.

HIS­TOR­I­CALLY, EN­TER­TAIN­MENT WAS NOT PART OF THE CHILD-PAR­ENT CON­TRACT. IT WAS STRICTLY PRO­TEC­TION AND PRO­VI­SION: CLOTH­ING, FOOD, AND MAYBE A TRIP TO DIS­NEY WORLD. NOW, AC­CORD­ING TO ROB CORDDRY, PAR­ENTS ARE DIS­NEY WORLD. YOU OWE IT TO YOUR­SELF TO EN­JOY THE EX­PE­RI­ENCE OF HANG­ING OUT WITH THESE UN­DE­VEL­OPED HU­MANS YOU HAD THE AR­RO­GANCE TO HELP CRE­ATE. THE TRICK IS SIM­PLE: MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU. 1 TRANSPOSE YOUR HOB­BIES

If you’re en­thu­si­as­tic, they will be too. Do you golf? Set up a few cups around the room and laugh at their short game while get­ting in a lit­tle prac­tice your­self.

2 HIT THE BLOCKS

If you don’t have a set of Le­gos, then we don’t un­der­stand each other and you should stop read­ing. Le­gos are the best toy ever in­vented. Get some and build some shit.

3 PLAY “LET’S GET LOST”

I drive around and my kids take turns telling me to take a left or a right un­til we are “lost.” Then they take turns try­ing to get us home. They un­der­stand what a GPS is now, but some­how this still man­ages to be fun.

4 LEARN TO TELL A STORY

You don’t have to study the Hero’s Jour­ney. Have a mid­dle and an end in mind be­fore you be­gin, and make it on­go­ing. Con­nect a few dots be­tween your story and their lives. Then scoop their brains up, be­cause you blew their minds.

5 TEACH THEM GAM­BLING

Sub­sti­tute poker chips with candy, coins, rocks, their al­lowance, etc. If gam­bling con­flicts with your reli­gious be­liefs, then, well . . .

6 BREAK OUT THE WEIRD GOOP

Slime has en­joyed a sort of re­nais­sance as of late. But will slime trans­fer a comic strip back­ward? Nope. Will slime bounce if rolled into a ball? Stupid ques­tion. Guess what will do both of those things. Silly Putty.

7 HOW MANY MARSH­MAL­LOWS CAN YOU FIT IN YOUR MOUTH?

How­ever many it is, it’s fewer than I can. I’m the king. Fit­ting an im­pos­si­ble num­ber of marsh­mal­lows in my mouth is my only real God-given gift.

8 SEND THEM AWAY

Try play­ing a round or two of “Find Some Stuff.” I’ll hide a bunch of my daugh­ters’ My Lit­tle Pony dolls, stash­ing a third of them in im­pos­si­ble places so I have time to sit on the couch and en­joy their frus­tra­tion.

9 TURN TO TELE­VI­SION

Poor TV! She had a glo­ri­ous run for some time, and obliv­i­ous par­ents reaped div­i­dends. Then our gen­er­a­tion came to power and ru­ined ev­ery­thing about the tube. But let’s be clear: TV should be re­spected. My wife and I starve our kids of video en­ter­tain­ment un­til we’re on a plane and need them to shut the hell up. Or when Daddy’s com­ing up empty.

10 NAV­I­GATE THE PLAY­GROUND

Deal with play­ground squab­bles in a dig­ni­fied and re­spect­ful man­ner. Let the kids work it out be­fore you huff and puff on over to the

YOU DON’T HAVE TO STUDY THE HERO’S JOUR­NEY. HAVE A MID­DLE AND AN END IN MIND BE­FORE YOU BE­GIN, AND MAKE IT ON­GO­ING.

other dad. Chances are that he’s just try­ing to get some sit-down time on a long Sat­ur­day just like you.

11 TAKE THEM CAMP­ING (SORT OF)

Go camp­ing, pitch a tent and spend the night out there with your kids. Shine flash­lights, tell scary sto­ries—build a fire for all I care! When the kids are asleep, do what you did at your own child­hood camp: Sneak out, swim (qui­etly walk) over to the girls’ camp (your bed­room) to meet that girl you like (your wife), and maybe even get to sec­ond base!

12 DO SCI­ENCE!

Take them into the kitchen and mix a bunch of crap to­gether. You’ll love it. They will too, but who cares?

13 EN­JOY A DRINK

When your day is com­ing to an end and your kids are wor­ship­ping you like you’re the God of Good Times, pour your­self a cock­tail. Of course, drunk driv­ing is il­le­gal, and you will have to drive them to the ER at some point dur­ing their child­hood. So keep it cool. On your way to the hos­pi­tal with them, have a sing-along but sub­sti­tute some of the words in the song with “poo” or “pee” or “toi­let.” Man, you’re good at this!

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