TIME TO BREAK UP WITH A SOCIAL TWO-TIMER

Ihave just been two-timed. But this isn’t a tragic love story or a scandal surfacing as some nasty little mistress claws her way to the surface around Valentine’s Day... I’m talking about that so-called

bff who just isn’t that faithful a friend.

Penelope’s transgression feels extra personal because it concerns my upcoming 30th birthday getaway. Collective fantasising about destinations and wardrobes monopolised our group’s fortnightly lunches since we rang in my 29th with champers while ballooning in Cappadocia. Finally, before Thanksgiving, we decided on Cuba and agreed on the dates for our 10-day jaunt; Alice volunteered to plan the itinerary. Havana ooh na na!

But here I am, staring at my group chat, where Penny has just flippantly asked all eight of us if we can change our trip to before Chinese New Year instead of after, because she “accidentally” double-booked herself and her hubby on a cruise with a bunch of other couples. It’s been 20 minutes. Crickets. She texts again: “I’ve booked my flights, but changing them should be ok...” No one from our ladies group replies.

The texts are fast and furious on the side. The outrage is pure. “I had to use 420,000 miles to get my Suites coz no Saver tix. You know how hard it is to redeem Sin-paris last minute!!! Impossible to change now!!!” “Who does she think she is. She just don’t come lah!” “Remember she triple-booked herself for my Jerome’s 5th birthday party, and she’s stood us up so many times for lunch!” Alice is hyperventilating when I pick up her call: “I’ve already put the down payments to the agent for all our rooms, restaurants and guides!”

Then comes the coup de grâce: “Rachel Wong removed Penelope Sim”. Umbrage is unleashed on our now-downsized group chat.

I count the seconds: 23... 24... Ring. “Rachel rejected my calls twice! Why did she delete me! It’s your birthday trip, so why is she being so petty! You’re not even angry, right? Babe, I stuck with the group because of you – we’re the only real friends here and half of those women don’t even like you! These other couples are just Peter’s friends – you know I’d rather go with you. Actually, honey, why don’t we enjoy a week in Paris together instead, just the two of us – after your little trip to Cuba?”

How did I not see the relationship pattern before? Denial, deflection, gaslighting, tantrums, sweet talk. Tomorrow, I’ll receive a huge bouquet and over the week, impromptu drop-offs of extravagant little gifts. She’s sorry, she won’t take me for granted again. Rationalising that friendships aren’t monogamous, I let slide each time Penelope “forgot” she had another appointment or lied that she had to work but then showed up at a party on someone else’s social media. Enough.

“This isn’t working, Penny. We are not working,” I say sweetly. “And it’s not me, it’s you.” Names and ages of all parties have been changed.