TIES THAT BIND
Former journalist-turned-sculptor and doting mother Cara Van Miriah shares how she formed a deep connection with her autistic teenage son through their mutual love for art
Cara Van Miriah is many things — journalist, publicist, artist, published author — but what gives her the greatest joy and satisfaction is being mother to her 17-year-old autistic son, Alex Lim. It didn’t matter that she had to give up her 11year career as a journalist to raise her son — she wouldn’t have it (or him) any other way. “I don’t write professionally now, and I don’t miss it either. My biggest achievement is being a mother to Alex. He has a big heart, big personality and sense of humour,” she gushes.
From 2000 to 2011, Cara worked the news desk for various publications under Singapore Press Holdings such as now-defunct Streats, Her World, The New Paper (TNP) and ST Life! There, she covered everything from F&B to nightlife and home news. “I saw the newsroom as a place where I filed my stories…that was about it. It was a touch-and-go work life, although I met some of my very good friends there. I remember my desk was bare except for a phone and two cables to power and plug into my laptop,” she recalls.
Since hanging up her journalist hat, Cara has co-authored several book projects together with her husband Ivan. One of their books, Nightlife [Confidential], was inducted into the John Eclors Southeast Asia Collection at Cornell Library University, New York.
Bringing up Alex
These days, the self-professed introvert is more interested in spending quiet time at home with the family, reacquainting herself with art, and watching Alex grow up. Their mother-son bond has grown stronger through their shared passion for fine art.
“Alex has been drawing things like flags and animals since he was about four years old. It keeps him calm. When he was about 10, he came home one day from school with two pieces of abstract acrylic paintings. They took me by surprise, because I didn’t think he was capable at that point in creating “balance”. From then, I started to provide him with materials, paints, canvas and other tools,” she says.
Currently a fifth-year vocational track student at Pathlight School, Alex does visual arts as a co-curricular activity (CCA). Over the years, Cara has enrolled him in numerous art classes locally, as well as online lessons by art teachers in Berlin. “This is to give him a different perspective on how art is taught by people with different backgrounds and cultures… to get him exposed, try new and fun ways to create his pieces,” she explains.
Alex’s art can be best described as abstract or pop-art, ranging from cute and innocent child-like imagery of animals to very detailed geometric patterns underlined by bold brush strokes and vibrant colours. He works with acrylic, ink, oil pastels, watercolour, impasto, and pencils on canvas and paper, and uses unconventional applications such as smearing to add another dimension to his work. His paintings of nature and everyday things focus on the source of inspiration where he finds beauty in the details, sometimes humorously. Essentially, they all come from a place of honesty and love, straight from the heart.
Very often, he likes to be alone while he ideates, but Cara does offer guidance before leaving him to it. “He wouldn’t always know how or where to begin. My process is to ask him what he wants to do, tell him what he has already done, and what he hasn’t. Then, I show him how it can be done in different ways, provide the resources, and provide the space,” she explains.
“The willingness to experiment is reflective of his personality. Alex is still very young and he has a long way to go in his artistic pursuits. Five years from now, he may not be painting the same way or same things as he is today. That’s perfectly fine — so long as he enjoys the process.”
Today, Alex goes by the moniker “The Unskilled Boy”, and is part of !MPACT — an initiative by Singapore’s National Youth Council to spotlight young people who have made an impact on their communities.
He has presented his works in three exhibitions: I Am Alex (2021), a virtual showcase; Home @ Studio Neon Gallery (2022); and Abstract Landscape @ St Anthony’s Secondary School (April 2023). As part of this year’s World Autism Awareness Day, he held his second presentation at St Anthony’s to showcase a series of paper maché figurines displayed as
2D installations. Next, he will be participating at the Shaping Hearts Arts Festival from Nov 11 to 26 (Our Tampines Hub) and Nov 18 to Dec 3 (One Punggol).
Alex has also collaborated with homegrown indie label Plain Prints Project (PPP), which has used three of his designs as part of a customisable, madeto-measure collection of eco-friendly men’s shirts retailing on www.plainprintsproject.com.
Sculpting success
Much in the way Alex’s talent was cultivated, Cara herself was trained in various forms of art and design as a young girl. “I had the privilege of learning and experiencing a lot of things like music and art lessons, as well as travelling and spending time in the US,” she shares.
But life got in the way, and she had to give up the brush for the pen, to put food on the table. She first dabbled in public relations and music programming, and subsequently settled into a colourful career in journalism, where she met Ivan, who was a columnist and sub-editor for TNP.
They had Alex in 2005, but it was only when he turned five that he was diagnosed with autism. “Life changed when we left our newsroom jobs in 2011 because we wanted to have more time with Alex, to be able to do what we wanted — travel and work from home. If we had stayed on, we would have become even more dependent on the job. Quitting gave us more time, freedom, and room to think. That was probably the best decision we have ever made as parents and individuals,” she reflects.
The freedom of being self-employed also gave Ivan a chance to return to his musical roots as a classical guitar teacher, and Cara the opportunity to revisit her artistic pursuits. She also holds the publicist role for The T’ang Quartet. “After I left the newsroom, I took up more courses and did my artist residency at the Berlin Art Institute. I will most likely continue with that in 2024 with more time on my hands,” she says.
Cara earns her living from commissioned work, predominantly wall sculptures or freestanding sculptures using recycled wood, metals, clay, fabric and, or plaster. While she has exhibited in Milan, Los Angeles, Berlin and New York, she has yet to hold a showcase in Singapore.
She reflects: “I’m more competent in my technical skills today than a few years ago but I am really far from being established. It takes years, if not decades, for an artist to be successful in a very competitive global market. Although I have exhibited overseas, it isn’t an indication of success. It is part of an artist’s curriculum to show, not necessarily sell.”
While she slowly develops herself, Cara remains all too happy to play the nurturing mother to her teenage son. “My hope is for Alex to live a happy, fulfilling life. To let him experience things that he wants to do, see, try and, or learn — without expectation to excel.”
In this interview with Options, she candidly shares what it is like raising an autistic artist, and the collaboration with PPP.
What is parenting an autistic child like?
We made a point to know Alex — every single one of his quirks — so we know intuitively in any situation how it can affect him. That is reading his behaviour, body language and responses in different scenarios so we can manage him better. Those were the early days when he was less verbal.
Today, he’s quite different. He’s more confident, talkative (although he speaks selectively to people), and assertive. But one thing doesn’t change: he still has moments when he goes deep into his thoughts. That is when we would ask him, what is he thinking about? We encourage him to tell us what makes him happy or unhappy.
What are some of his quirks?
Alex is childlike, playful, and cheeky most of the time. He has an elephant
memory (if you promised him something, he will hold you to it), and a stickler for details.
He’s highly sensitive to people’s feelings and emotions. Once, we were in a supermarket at Thomson Plaza, and he saw a woman scolding a little girl not far from us. I got a bit worried when Alex slipped past me towards them. But what he did surprised us: He took the woman’s hand to pat the girl’s head, telling her in his own way to show love. At that time, Alex was about 9 or 10 years old. Conversely, he gets affected when he sees other children crying; he would say, “I am sad” and to express himself, he draws the faces of the kid crying.
Alex can be very stubborn. If he insists on something, he keeps reminding you of it. Sometimes, he wants to go somewhere on a specific day and not any other day. He will keep repeating himself and goes into a loop. That can drive me crazy!
When doing a task, he can be easily distracted when he sees something else (around him) that piques his curiosity. It can be difficult to get him back on track at times. So, we have a reward system at home. If he completes his tasks, he gets to go where he wants.
Did it get easier as he got older?
It was challenging when he was a child. He was super sensitive and intolerant of loud noises, like the sound of thunder, and he would go into a complete meltdown. He would cry and scream for at least an hour.
As he grew older, he became better. It took a lot of comforting, assurance and love (also from his nanny,
Rizza who has been with us for 14 years) — as well as discipline (from Ivan) to get where he is today. In the last four years, he has in some ways grown up. He still wears his Bluetooth noise-cancelling earphones (when he’s out) because of sensory overload. But he understands the different environments a lot better than before.
If he is unsure about something, he would ask “why, how, when”. He is aware that he is autistic — as he puts it, “something to do with the brain”. Alex is open to changes in his routine so long he is told of the plans ahead. He also plans his own school holiday activities (by texting them to me what he wants to do).
Is art something that helps him focus?
Alex spends about 4–5 hours a day drawingand sketching. This is his me-time. He could be drawing his friends, vectors, animals, musical instruments, whatever comes to mind. During this time, he is the best boy — stuck to his chair for hours. While doing this, he is also online looking at objects, subjects or YouTube art tutorials, or just listening to music. He doesn’t like me to hang around in the room when he’s in the middle of drawing or painting! He will say, “I want to be alone”, especially when I ask “why is this done this way”. I can only look at his piece after he is 80% done.
What is Ivan’s involvement in Alex’s artistic pursuits?
Ivan is the paper supplier and printer of the house. Alex will design his own cards or posters using Canva or draw on paper (vectors), and will WhatsApp his dad to print and laminate them. Alex can be very impatient to get his things done. After he texts Ivan, he will walk to Ivan’s desk (in the next room) immediately and see to the task. Alex will examine the laminated pieces and spot mistakes (such as 0.1mm misalignment, tiny bubbles) and ask Ivan to redo it!
How did the PPP collaboration come about?
Oliver Hee, who is behind PPP, was the first buyer of Alex’s art and owns several pieces. He wanted to include three of Alex’s designs — from his first solo exhibition, I Am Alex — for his new shirt collection called “Treasured Moments”, which features bold and vibrant patterns. It took a few months for it to materialise because the prints have to be digitalised. The files are then sent to Italy to be turned into textiles. Then they are sent back to Singapore for Oliver to tailor into shirts.
What’s also special about “Treasured Moments” is that most of the fabrics used in the collection are 100% summer-weight Italian cotton, made and printed in Italy. The Italian mill, which PPP works with to produce the fabric, uses environmentally-friendly processes to reduce carbon footprint such as printing with certified dyes that are free of harmful substances.
Does Alex have a favourite shirt?
He loves wearing the Jelly Worms design because he likes earthworms, or just worms in general. Alex was quite amused when he first saw the patterns on the shirts.