How to raise a happy child in a broken relationship
Vutomi Tshabalala is a 23-year-old divorcee, single mother and compliance officer. She writes motivational articles in her personal capacity.
If two people can come together and create life through a moment of passion, married or unmarried, they are connected together for life. A child made with love, has no business being raised with hate. No one asks to be born, yet here we all are today. In the most perfect world, every child would be raised by both biological parents who adore each other and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, the reality is that people are not cut from the same cloths.
A child has the right to be raised by both parents, irrespective of their romantic standing. More often than not, when a romantic relationship ends, the parents take out their frustration towards each other and use the child as bait. Stop it.
A child is not a weapon against your ex and should not be used as such; they are also not some love cupid who will magically fix your already broken relationship. Stop giving your children the responsibility to fix your relationship while you failed to do so yourself. Your failed romantic life should start and end with you.
No matter how much you loved your partner, for as long as the relationship is over, you need to learn to maintain a good relationship between the two of you for the sake of your child. It is damn hard, but necessary. Pray for your ex’s job, because their source of income ensures continued contribution towards your child. Pray for his future wife regardless of how much that might pain you, because him having a good wife ensures security and a healthy environment for your child. Pray for her to be blessed with a good husband, because you do not want to imagine the trauma of your child being abused by their stepfather. Pray for their overall happiness so that they may bring positive aroma around your child and also be able to offer matured advice.
Love your child enough to protect the image of their mother/ father, not because you are not aware of their flaws, because you are family and a bad view on one person is a bad reflection on your whole family. The last thing you want is your child to grow up under the shadow of the rumors that you entertained. Keep the fights away from the public, those people don’t even care anyway, but drama in someone else’s life is always good entertainment.
A child’s life and well-being has nothing to do with your beef against each other. Their need for food, shelter, education etc. still remains regardless of your mood. Do not compromise the wellbeing of your child while trying to punish the other parent. Raising and supporting a child goes beyond the monthly bank notifications of child maintenance. It means having the experience of being emotionally available to help your child when they need you, showing up at school events and sitting through awkward questions as they discover life their way.
Family has nothing to do with romance, love your child enough to swallow your pride and respect the other parent. Blended families work for those who are matured enough to take responsibility for their action. Stop crying wolf, a child is not a trap, but the connection that binds two people together for life. How you choose to spend that life is completely up to you. In this generation, I pray that ladies and gentlemen make babies with people they are prepared to spend a lifetime with, and should that not be the case, may we be a generation that prioritizes family and avoid words such as baby mama and baby daddy because those are usually just trouble.
Follow the link below to learn more about rights of fathers, mothers and children. https://www.parent24.com/ Family/Finance_Legal/UnmarriedKnow-your-rights-20150826