MEDITATION IS MEANT TO WAKE US, TO DRIVE OUR ATTENTION TO THE PRESENT. NOTHING IN MY LIFE HAS DONE THIS AS WELL AS THE RHYTHMIC MOTION OF PEDALLING.
But that was in October. By the time the trip rolled around in April, the situation had become more urgent. My marriage was falling apart. Even with the help of the medication, I was much too depressed and disappointed to dream of a life in which I would be free of suffering. Hell, as a cyclist, it seemed the very opposite of the thing I’d worked so hard to accept, to embrace – suffering itself. But I’d welcome enlightenment, if it could give me the solution to a better relationship with my family. I hungered for a harmony as simple as all four of us snuggled on a couch together. I wondered whether it was too much to ask, or just too much for me to ask, and I couldn’t decide which answer was more depressing. But I wasn’t yet ready to give up. I needed answers. Why couldn’t my wife and I bring ourselves to touch each other? Why did getting the boys dressed require negotiations? Why did bedtime have to be a siege? Could any of this be fixed?
I left for Japan hoping for at least one day to get sideways – separated from the group, lost with the sun going down, bonking. This felt most likely to lead to some epiphany. Perhaps it was naïve of me to think a difficult bike tour could give me this kind of clarity. But all the big decisions I’ve made in my life have come to me as I pedalled.
SURRENDER
“We’re off the damn map.”
Eric Romney says this with a chuckle that suggests equal parts amazement and frustration.
The road we’re on continues with serpentine wiggles until it bends out of sight. To our left, another road shoots up at a startling pitch. It’s two and a half metres wide at best, and doesn’t exist on Eric’s GPS or any of his Japanese maps.
Shikoku is a place where a person can get lost either accidentally or deliberately. To navigate, Eric had to use two different smartphone map apps, a GPS in the follow vehicle driven by Soco, and a map book – the Japanese equivalent of those city street guides. Even that method wasn’t foolproof.