Totally Bogan!
LIKE MANY UNFORGETTABLE EXPEDITIONS, the Tour de Bogan sprang to life thanks to an evening spent with chinas enjoying a few beers… in this case, it was a round or three of zamaleks at East City Cycles that sparked our imagination, and the desire to head into the Karoo on our gravel machines.
With the seed planted, the Tour de Bogan started taking shape; logistics were discussed, rider numbers debated, and the appropriate Bogan vocabulary expanded on – think ‘Bogan Broth’, ‘Brown-Bottle Bogan Brew’, ‘Total Bogan’ and ‘Dingo Dust’…
A critical element was the formulation of the rules – most of which were totally ridiculous and completely unnecessary, obviously. The two that spring to mind are ‘No gloves, ever – even if it’s an icy 3°C, and pouring with rain’; and ‘Sanchez, hold the wheel!’ Okay, we don’t know what that second one means exactly (but it sometimes requires a Bogan to get a lift up the road)…
In case you’re puzzling, a ‘Bogan’ is defined by the Urban Dictionary as – more or less – an uncouth or unsophisticated (often Australian) person regarded as being of low social status. Though it can be either noun or adjective, we decided for the sake of our wives to use ‘Bogan’ as an adjective only, to describe our activities only, and only on this ride – in order to comply with another one of our rules: ‘Riders should unleash their Bogan-like tendencies for this weekend only’. For some of us, this was a real struggle!
My favourite part of the entire exercise was designing the route. The Swartland, Cederberg, Karoo and Overberg offer endless choice for gravel riding; and for those living in the Cape, they’re literally on the doorstep.
While Days 1 and 3 were manageable, Day 2 was undoubtedly the ‘queen stage’ – at 232km, taking in over 4 000m of climbing, it was a beast of a day that saw us descending the mighty Swartberg Pass in the dark…
…to arrive in Prince Albert in the midst of load shedding – no hot water! In the spirit of the tour, we simply took it in our stride and savoured the day’s effort while waiting for the geysers to re-heat – chamois time is ride time, after all!
The Tour was administered on the basis of total costs divided by total number of riders – which removed any profit motive, and certainly helped to make this trip one of the most enjoyable, quirkiest and funniest trips I’ve ever had the pleasure of riding.
It’s easy to sit around a braai and fantasise about doing this kind of trip; but reflecting back, the Tour de Bogan was less about the bikes we rode, or the suicidal distances, than the simple fact that we actually went and did it. I hope our sense of adventure sparks a similar flame inside your soul. You too can head off into the unknown, with nothing but good vibes – and, if you’re lucky, a tailwind.