BURNING UT OF YCLING’S HIGHEST LEVEL AT 22 LL GIVE OU THE HANCE TO ROW UP.”
EVEN THOUGH I GOT TO THE UCI WORLD TOUR QUICKLY, at 20, it was 10 years coming. I didn’t have a life outside of cycling.
I had a tough first year [in 2013]. There were bad crashes, I wasn’t enjoying myself, I was like, “What am I doing?!” I was young, and I didn’t know that it was normal to go through a bad spot. I had no idea it would take years of work to get to a raceable level at the WorldTour.
So I’d got to this thing that I’d been shooting for, and when my shortcomings and doubts weren’t immediately solved, I wondered if it was time to look at something else. I’d always measured my success as a person by what the results sheet said. Up to that point I’d had great results, so in theory I was a good person.
But in pursuit of that success, I’d fallen out of contact with my parents. I was trying to have a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, Rachel, who’s now my wife, and I was just really selfish. I had to change my standard for success. Just because you’re competitive in a bike race doesn’t mean you’re a successful human being. The next year, I couldn’t get much more miserable, so I said, “Now I have to make a change, because I’m aware of how toxic this life is for me.”
Initially, the idea was to walk away from the sport. But I knew I’d have regrets. So I went to race in the US with Jelly Belly. I wanted to have some fun and find a way to love what I do. That meant surrounding myself with the people I love: my parents, my brother Gus, Rachel...
Even though by my old measures I was less successful, I was happy. The biggest lesson I learned is that there’s no rush to win. At 18, you’re going 100km/h in whatever direction you’re focused on. But you have to be patient.
When I won the Tour of Utah [in 2016], I knew I was ready to go back to the WorldTour. I knew if I didn’t go back, I’d regret it as 50-year-old me. If it didn’t work out this time, it wouldn’t be because I was immature and unprepared; I would know it wasn’t for me. If I walked away again, it would be okay.