BETTER LATTE THAN NEVER

Coffee shops will again (soon, we hope) become an integral part of the cycling milieu. Thank the Pope, because our riding group has been at sea with just riding bikes. There are some T&CS for cyclists and coffee shops, though:

HELMETS OFF, THE MINUTE YOU STOP. Not in the queue to order, not on the table – hang the stinky things on your bars.

YOU CAN’T SMELL YOURSELF; but Savannah, her whippet and her almond-milk skinny sure can – be considerate of non-cyclists’ olfactory expectations. We have enough enemies already.

A CLEAR TABLE IS A HAPPY TABLE. Don’t be the pocket-emptier – leave it clear for the incoming manna.

ACCEPT THAT SOCIAL MEDIA AND STRAVA WILL DOMINATE THE CONCENTRATION OF THE GROUP for a short while; but have a time limit, after which you can all bask in the IRL glory of the day’s ride.

PAYMENT: always ride with an accountant, and make him handle the bill. He’s the most likely candidate to root out the non-tippers and balance the books appropriately.

PAYMENT, PART II: the guy who’s (always) late for the pre-ride coffee is the guy who pays. Simple. He’ll learn to get there in the nick of time, or budget accordingly – either way, the group wins.

CAFFEINE PROMOTES PERISTALSIS – don’t be the guy who ‘just has to go quickly’ as everyone is helmeting up to leave. Bib shorts and the like make these stops longer than you think; so go early, and let somebody else be the one to hold up proceedings.