Should I hold off telling colleagues I am pregnant?
It’s no one’s business but yours, so don’t apologise or make excuses
IHAVE been in my current position (for which I was headhunted) for just over three months and have had excellent feedback. But I am now 12 weeks pregnant. I want to raise my profile and gain managerial support without pregnancy clouding the issue.
My plan, therefore, is to wait a couple of months before telling colleagues. Is this realistic? Should I refrain from asking for professional investment (conferences, committee memberships) now if I know I will be asking for maternity leave later?
Lawyer, Lawyer, female, female, 31 31
LUCY’S ADVICE
From the wording of your question I get the impression you feel guilty about being pregnant. Stop it at once. You won’t be “asking” for maternity leave. You will be getting it because it is your right. As Sheryl Sandberg has told the world: the women who don’t dare move jobs just because they might want to start a family soon are those whose careers tend to get bogged down forever.
Yet I think your plan to say nothing for the next couple of months is a good one.
Even if people notice your bulging waistline, they are most unlikely to risk saying anything lest the bulge turns out to be the result of too many visits to the vending machine.
The law in the UK says you do not have to tell your employer until the 25th week. The law also says that you cannot be discriminated against because you are pregnant. Yet even though your managers will almost certainly claim to be hugely in favour of pregnant women, it is silly to pretend that this joyous thing in your life will be anything other than a nuisance to them.
So it will not hurt to spend the next few weeks reinforcing their idea that you are a thoroughly good thing. The first six months with a company are generally when the sheep get sorted from the goats. That division, once made, tends to stick.
With any luck, by the time you declare yourself pregnant, their only concern will be that you return to work afterwards, as keen as ever.
As for those committees and the conferences, if I were you I would skip them — but that is because I tend to avoid them even when not pregnant. Yet as you seem to like that sort of thing, I recommend you go for it.
Far from feeling shortchanged, your managers will surely see your ambition as further evidence of your longterm value.
Some readers urge you to have a heart-to-heart with human resources to explain that the timing of conception is unfortunate: that you weren’t trying to trick anyone. This is shockingly bad advice. It is none of your employer’s business whether you planned to get pregnant, or whether you did a Cherie Blair — who (bizarrely) revealed her last child was conceived when she forgot to pack her diaphragm on a trip to Balmoral.
YOUR ADVICE
Law behind you Congratulations. You have employment law behind you to ensure you are treated properly and given all that is required. Your integrity, however, is questionable — new job when trying for baby? Headhunted = big recruitment fee. New job = more money. Employer sees only cost and now a delayed benefit. When you tell your employer you had better have a plan on how you are going to repay them for the support they are obliged to give you. Male, anon Unplanned plan I also got pregnant about a week after I started a new job. I stretched the truth a little and said that I had been trying for a long time, so was not using contraception and it happened. I did not want my HR manager to think I had done it on purpose and I did not want them to think I had been irresponsible and it was unplanned!
I did not tell until the last day legally required — ie at 25 weeks. I decided to take shorter maternity leave than I might have done otherwise. And, yes, I continued with conferences and so on. I ended up working until 39 weeks and I had all my antenatal care done by my GP (rather than at hospital), which meant I could schedule it for 8am or 6.30pm. Accountant, female Go for it Don’t hold back. Your firm needs you, whether you are pregnant or not.
Plus, they can handle it and should support you. Anon, male Depends on size An issue to consider is the size of the business. I ran a small firm with around five employees and employed a lady who turned out to have been pregnant at the interview. For me it was devastating and extremely costly as I had to cover a salary with no corresponding income. If you work for a big employer just enjoy the pregnancy and the wonder that goes with it. Manager, male Invest in career By all means invest in your career and ask for all that you are entitled to — it shows that you are motivated and that you are likely to return to your job after your maternity leave with your motivation and commitment intact. Anon, female
THE NEXT PROBLEM
How do you ‘be yourself’? I have just been turned down for a job I really wanted at the final stage after a long and tortuous selection process.
When I asked for feedback I was told that although I had done very well in all the tests, I failed to impress all the interviewers. One commented that I needed to “be myself”.
I was taken aback by this. Does anyone have any idea what that means? Or whether it is a good idea to “be yourself” in a job interview? Analyst, male, 29