Estate agents hold our hands in current and future homes
OVER the past month or so I have been spending a lot of time with everyone’s least favourite professionals. Our house is up for sale and alternative homes are being sought for various members of the family, which means that every day I speak to assorted estate agents, either to discuss progress in hawking our place, or the possibility of paying an unconscionable sum to buy someone else’s.
Until this exhausting, exciting and thoroughly unsettling process began, I would have told you there were four things wrong with estate agents. For a start, they charge too much. If they sell a house for £1m they stand to gain about £20,000 — a steep return for taking some photos and showing people around.
Second, they are untrustworthy snakes, always keen to assure buyers there is “a lot of interest” in some pokey basement, while at the same time telling sellers that a mingy offer is the best they will get. Third, they tend to be dim: flogging houses requires no particular qualifications and attracts those too thick to get into the City or the law. And finally they butcher the language with their dumb, transparent euphemisms.
It took me a couple of weeks of dealing with these loathsome types before I realised something was wrong. They weren’t being loathsome at all. Not one of the dozen or so I’ve met from various firms has been more than slightly irritating. On both buying and selling sides, they have been civilised, bright-ish, borderline trustworthy and some of them have been downright agreeable. They have been on time for every appointment. They have not tried to push properties at me that are obviously hopeless.
The outfit selling our house appears to be doing the job according to my instructions. As for the language, it is true that a house I was interested in with a “large private garden” turned out to have a medium-sized yard that looked like Steptoe and Son had just moved out, but mostly estate agents play no more fast and loose with words than other professions.
Even though estate agents may not be as bad as we think — and less bad than last time I had anything to do with them 15 years ago — this doesn’t answer the central question. Why do estate agents still exist? Travel agents are gone — or going.
Estate agents, who were seriously reviled long before Tim BernersLee gave up trainspotting to invent the World Wide Web, were always going to be the first to go, come the internet age. Instead, the reverse is happening: as I cycled through Islington on my way home the other day, I counted 17 estate agent shop windows in one street.
It makes no sense. In the olden days, you needed them to tell you what was for sale. Now the internet does that. Google Earth tells you what the place looks like from the outside; sellers can take their own pictures and videos to show what it is like inside. Even pricing could now be done by an average eight-yearold, who could look up what the neighbours’ places went for and adjust accordingly.
The only bit that would be hard to do yourself is show people around, as most sellers are out in the day, and in any case, it’s not nice to listen to prospective buyers’ plans to rip out the yellow lino and the William Morris wallpaper that you have so very recently and lovingly installed yourself. But even this function could be easily disrupted: there could be an Uber of house-showers, who could let prospective buyers into properties, charging not £20,000, but about a tenner an hour.
Despite all this, when our house is sold, I will hand over a king’s ransom to the agent with only mild resentment. The reason they exist has little to do with logic. It is because when buying and selling houses, people are at their most irrational.
Houses are not only where we live, but where all our money lives too. They are by far our biggest and most emotional asset, and even the sanest people become unhinged when it comes to buying and selling. They change their minds. They dither. They are gazumped. Chains break and everyone gets stuffed.
If animal spirits move markets, the animal spirit in the property market is like a maternal Canada goose on a hellbent rampage to protect her young.
It’s too frightening out there to do it on one’s own, and we are grateful for the services of the nicely turned out young men and women who stand at our side.
And this, I think, is why we really hate estate agents.
Because they are doing something we could do for ourselves if we trusted ourselves more, if we were not so afraid of such ginormous sums, and if we were more levelheaded about the places where we live. © 2015 The Financial Times Limited.
Houses are … our most emotional asset, and even the sanest people become unhinged when it comes to buying and selling