STREET DOGS

FROM 25iq, the Simpsons, on money and investing: Homer: “Hello, this is Homer Simpson, AKA Happy Dude. The court has ordered me to call every person in town to apologise for my telemarketing scam. I’m sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one dollar to Sorry Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield.”

Homer: “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”

Broker: “Okay, now before I execute this order, are you sure you understand the risks of stock ownership?” Homer: “Absolutely!” [picture of Homer’s brain shows a line of dancers singing, “We’re in the money”] “You heard the monkey, make the trade.”

Mr Burns: “Eternal happiness for one dollar eh? Hmm, I’d be happier with the dollar.”

Homer: “This year I invested in pumpkins. They’ve been going up the whole month of October and I got a feeling they’re going to peak right around January. Then bang! That’s when I’ll cash in.”

Mr Burns: “Smithers, why didn’t you tell me about this market crash!” Smithers: “Um, well … sir, it happened 25 years before I was born.” Mr Burns: “Oh, that’s your excuse for everything!”

Smithers: “Sir, bad news: the economy’s hit us pretty hard.” Mr Burns: “Heh, tough times, huh? I’ve lived through 12 recessions, eight panics, and five years of McKinleynomics. I’ll survive this.”

Homer: “When you gave me that money, you said I wouldn’t have to repay it ’til the future. This isn’t the future. It’s the lousy, stinking now!”

Herbert Powell [watching Itchy and Scratchy]: “To think I wasted my life in boardroom meetings, when I could’ve been watching cartoons!”

Michel Pireu — e-mail: pireum@streetdogs.co.za