Business Day

STREET DOGS

- The Simpsons Movie · Homer Simpson · Evergreen Terrace · William McKinley

FROM 25iq, the Simp­sons, on money and in­vest­ing: Homer: “Hello, this is Homer Simp­son, AKA Happy Dude. The court has or­dered me to call every per­son in town to apol­o­gise for my tele­mar­ket­ing scam. I’m sorry. If you can find it in your heart to for­give me, send one dol­lar to Sorry Dude, 742 Ever­green Ter­race, Spring­field.”

Homer: “Son, if you re­ally want some­thing in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to an­nounce the lot­tery num­bers.”

Bro­ker: “Okay, now be­fore I ex­e­cute this or­der, are you sure you un­der­stand the risks of stock own­er­ship?” Homer: “Ab­so­lutely!” [pic­ture of Homer’s brain shows a line of dancers singing, “We’re in the money”] “You heard the mon­key, make the trade.”

Mr Burns: “Eter­nal hap­pi­ness for one dol­lar eh? Hmm, I’d be hap­pier with the dol­lar.”

Homer: “This year I in­vested in pump­kins. They’ve been go­ing up the whole month of Oc­to­ber and I got a feel­ing they’re go­ing to peak right around Jan­uary. Then bang! That’s when I’ll cash in.”

Mr Burns: “Smithers, why didn’t you tell me about this mar­ket crash!” Smithers: “Um, well … sir, it hap­pened 25 years be­fore I was born.” Mr Burns: “Oh, that’s your ex­cuse for ev­ery­thing!”

Smithers: “Sir, bad news: the econ­omy’s hit us pretty hard.” Mr Burns: “Heh, tough times, huh? I’ve lived through 12 re­ces­sions, eight pan­ics, and five years of McKin­ley­nomics. I’ll sur­vive this.”

Homer: “When you gave me that money, you said I wouldn’t have to re­pay it ’til the fu­ture. This isn’t the fu­ture. It’s the lousy, stink­ing now!”

Her­bert Pow­ell [watch­ing Itchy and Scratchy]: “To think I wasted my life in board­room meet­ings, when I could’ve been watch­ing car­toons!”

Michel Pireu — e-mail: pireum@street­dogs.co.za

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