Grow a conscience and swop the festive ham
With festive season tables around the corner, hams are piling up on supermarket shelves. There are free-range options on almost all other meats (albeit a far lower percentage than you’d expect, given the song and dance retailers make about it) but in matters of the swine, things haven’t improved much.
Industrial pork production is arguably lowest on the scale when it comes to animalwelfare farming. Yet the cleverness of pigs means they really should be up for some elevated treatment. Apparently we’re not supposed to be specieist, but let’s be real: intelligence is sentience, and that should come into it.
Locally, less than 1% of pork isn’t intensively farmed. That doesn’t mean what’s out there is all the exact same level of dreadful: producers who focus on breeding, for example, may have abandoned the use of farrowing crates for sows that prevent them from moving about, or might not carry out tail docking; but really, even at best, it’s pretty grim.
With the minuscule percentage of well-farmed pork around and that means pigs living outside, with enough space and enrichment to be free of stress, to express their natural behaviour and with protection from the elements eating ethically farmed pork probably means eating it very rarely indeed. And Christmas should be no different.
Assuming that (simply logistically) most people will be unable to get hold of free-range ham for the holidays, what could take its place on the table? I’m not for one moment suggesting you go the revolting fake-meat route of veganism. Therein only misery lies (and given how processed most of those products are, bad health too). My theory is that for those who see it as central to the meal, it’s often because all the sides that go with it are so delicious and so arduous (mentally) to replace. Not all meats go with these particular sides, and it seems grating to reinvent the entire repast.
If this is your quandary, remember that turkey actually pairs brilliantly with the same sides, marrying with sweet and sour just as happily. I know, I know, the terrible dryness of most turkey. Yes, true. But I have two suggestions. The first is to inject each (free-range!) turkey breast with Appletiser a few hours before roasting. Really, this adds succulence beyond compare (you need to inject slowly though, like a very sadistic nurse).
The second suggestion is to abandon turkey altogether and go with duck. Local, free-range duck isn’t too hard to find, and this meat also pairs perfectly with the sweet and sour leaning sides of which ham is so fond.
And, OK, if you want to leave meat out altogether, a laughably simple dish I once concocted for a vegetarian will work well: pumpkin, cubed, salted and rolled in a mix of melted butter, honey, mild mustard and orange zest, then roasted until the pieces are crispy outside and soft within. And it just happens to pair with every single flavour a ham loves. And just so we can really all relax, I’m pretty sure pumpkins are among the least intelligent of vegetables.