The posers will be back to their office puffery and ‘politricks’
Barclays boss James E Staley, known to his mates as JES, has made it clear that he wants most of his employees around the world to return to their desks. About three-quarters of global Barclays staff are now working from home, with the remainder going into their offices.
One of the key features of the coronavirus pandemic has been the huge increase in working from home, accompanied by the absence of physical presentations, be they results, conferences or topical debates. Productivity has hopefully gone up and hours been saved on commutes and colleague chatter.
While many people have embraced working from home, there are those who feel naked and unempowered, stripped of their office power plays and demonstrations of selfimportance. For the past several months they have been missing their corporate office games and puffery, referred to as “politricks”. With almost 40 years in stockbroking and investment research, I have certainly witnessed more than my fair share.
One of the key tools of these self-promoters is the infamous winkpoint. This gesture is loved by politicians, some of whom have turned it into a virtual art form. At its most basic and selfexplanatory, it involves a bold arrival, simultaneously winking and pointing at an imaginary friend in the audience. People know you — and you know them. It builds on the old business presentations skills advice that you choose a handful of audience members and “look” at them while presenting, creating the illusion of comfort and confidence.
Former US secretary of state and first lady Hillary Clinton perfected the art of the winkpoint. She would often wink and point at imaginary people in the room, and build on this by getting visibly excited, smiling and laughing, conveying that special and envious relationship that you wish you had.
Bob Diamond, former boss of Barclays, was also highly versed in this manoeuvre. He used it to great effect to deflect media queries when arriving at and leaving the UK parliamentary inquiry into the Libor scandal, gesturing as he escaped into the sanctity of his taxi. Former Absa honcho Maria Ramos obviously learnt a thing or two from former boss Diamond, as she used the winkpoint regularly, to great effect.
And then there is the power walk. This is mainly, though not exclusively, an American habit. I saw it frequently when working for Merrill Lynch and travelled to the US a lot. A power walk requires at least three solid and focused participants for maximum effect. These groups move with unity, purpose, determination and cool, bearing down on lesser beings who should obviously move out the way. It is best viewed in slow motion.
One of my favourites in the office is “the Ralby”. It’s an easy one to do and a great technique for the incompetent and insecure. A true gatkryper, the Ralby is an acronym for Running Around Looking Busy.
They walk quickly around their work floor, always carry papers, or files, returning to their desk mid-stride to collect more papers, and examining them studiously to reinforce an always busy image. Corporates the world over are full of them. They also make or take imaginary phone calls, putting on their serious face and grunting comments about deadlines, returning to their desk with an exhausted sigh.
Less used is the mismatch in height — someone will deliberately stand while you are sitting, even walking behind you while they talk to you. It’s disconcerting. Or they will not offer you a chair when you go into their office. Tactics to make you feel ill at ease.
Of course there are those addicted to meetings — and to meetings about meetings. And they will never agree to your suggested time; they have to be in control. They cancel and reschedule. It’s pathetic.
So as the workforce starts to move from bedrooms and kitchen tables and back into the office, get ready for the return of the ridiculous and laughable office power play.
AS THE WORKFORCE STARTS TO MOVE BACK INTO THE OFFICE, GET READY FOR THE RETURN OF THE LAUGHABLE OFFICE POWER PLAY