November: the cruellest month
• No light at the end of the year’s tunnel? You’re probably suffering from Novemberitis
If you’re feeling more than usually “absent-minded and forgetful, irritable, emotional, fragmented and frayed around the edges, disinvested from things that used to feel valuable to you, generally dazed and confused” — you are probably in the grips of Novemberitis.
So says Johannesburg life coach Judy Klipin, who coined the term in a monthly newsletter in 2017.
On the whole, we love the 11th month. It heralds summer and in Gauteng there is the blessed, begged-for rain, and December holidays to look forward to.
But it holds some darker surprises too, says Klipin: “Such an in between time of the year. Winter has left and summer hasn’t quite arrived. The current year is almost over and the new year hasn’t yet begun. It feels too late to start anything and too early to stop everything. We are neither here nor there, aren’t fully present or engaged. We are often tired, stressed and stretched. We experience many of the symptoms of burnout:
● Emotions are amplified (what used to irritate us now sends us into a rage) and erratic (we can go from happy to sad to furious to despondent to optimistic to despairing in the course of a couple of hours
● Concentration is affected. We experience brain fog, it takes longer to complete tasks.
● We don’t just want but need sugar, carbs, caffeine, chocolate to get us through the day.
● Many of the clients I am coaching are undergoing what I call an ‘existential emergency’ and are questioning their life choices and what gives them meaning.
● Feeling exhausted all the time. Minor exertion, both physical and mental, is tiring, worsened by the sleep disturbances that are a major side effect of living in the time of Covid. Many people are sleeping more or less, or having nightmares.
“People who are already running low on reserves have far less to draw on and can no longer ignore their exhaustion, making it hard to get through the last stretch of the year,” she adds.
Klipin believes Novemberitis 2022 is worse. “It seems more spoken about this year. I am not sure if it is because it’s the first year that we have been back to relative normality and people are out of practice with managing their energy and working long hours back in the office, so are struggling to manage the year-end fatigue, or if it is an accumulation of three years of stress, trauma and emotional overwhelm — it is probably both.
“We all forgot what ‘normal’ life was like pre the pandemic so perhaps people have not been as vigilant about protecting their time and energy for the end of the year push. I think also the pandemic allowed us to be more honest about our struggles, so people are speaking up more about their frailties.
“I think we are dealing with a ‘new and improved Novemberitis’, which has the added bonus of pandemic exhaustion and existential overwhelm, huge and added financial stress for most people, physical and mental frailty, and general global the-world-isgoing-to-hell-in-a-handbasket angst.”
Here are some things Klipin recommends you can do to help you get to the 2022 finish line:
● Have compassion for yourself when you make a mistake.
● Be honest (with yourself and everyone around you) about what you can and can’t manage.
● Be realistic in your expectations of yourself (we are all managing far less than we think we can and should be managing).
● Ask for help.
● Say no wherever and whenever possible.
● Push whatever new requests you can to the new year.
● Remember to breathe.
● Get enough rest.
● Eat well.
● Drink lots of water.
● If you have the energy for it, have some fun and see your friends.
● Most importantly, proceed gently and cut yourself some slack during these two months. The kinder you are to yourself now, the more strongly you will be able to start 2023.
What should we NOT do?
● We should not agree to anything without allowing ourselves time to think about whether we have the resources to do it. This applies to all areas of life.
● Drink too much alcohol or caffeine, eat too much sugar and carbs, or anything else that is going to weaken our immune systems and make us feel even more tired.
● Feel obliged to go to every social event we are invited to — instead we need to think about how we can spend our time and energy wisely.
If concerns around sobriety are making you feel edgy about the upcoming silly season, November is a good month to go into rehab, says Dan Wolf, director of Johannesburg addiction and mental health treatment centre Houghton House. “I often encourage people to come in for treatment in November. If you don’t, there is the festive season and after the first week in December, before the person turns round it’s mid-February ... there have been numerous chaotic episodes and the danger of a repeat of dysfunctional patterns.”
For those who are predisposed, this time of year can signal the start of a relapse. It is “an emotionally loaded” period, says Wolf, and getting your armour on before the holiday season is advisable because “the December period normalises alcohol use, and that is potentially problematic for people who are prone to alcohol binges”.
For many, the December holidays conjure images of the sun setting, the beach, and sundowners. “Without alcohol in the mix, they feel deprived and miserable. But the recovery process is a way of being, meaningful and fulfilling, transcending. It’s reframing what it means to be in recovery
not to feel deprived, but being conscious, being capable of making conscious decisions; prioritising long-term goals rather than impulses and drives that play out in environments that are not invested in bringing out the best in the people involved.”
People who need it may be hesitant about treatment so late in the year because medical aid benefits are low, and bonuses are being paid out. “Or people say, this is what I’ve worked for, time out, an opportunity to go away. But some individuals will appreciate that it is making a sacrifice that will help me position myself to live a constructive life from the beginning of the year.”
When you finally get to kick off your shoes for the holidays, how can you get the most out of it? Klipin says: “By being vigilant about resting. And by planning. We often come back from holiday exhausted because we have exchanged one form of labour (work) for another (entertaining children and family, cooking, cleaning, washing, visiting, sightseeing).
“Make time every day (at least an hour) to do nothing but stop, spend time with yourself, and think about what you need and want. Negotiate this in advance with the people you will be on holiday with so there is no surprise or resentment when you want to go off on your own for an hour every day.
“Plan elements of your holiday ahead and identify who you can ask to help you and what they can do to help (there’s no need to put on a 12-course Christmas lunch all by yourself
— delegate courses, dishes and tasks. Make a roster of household chores that the whole family/holiday house participates in for the holiday.)
“Think about the things that you have most resented or hated about previous holidays and make a commitment to yourself to not do them this holiday. Pre-empt any difficult conversations or interactions by talking about your expectations and requirements in advance of the holiday.
“Don’t feel bad about saying no or asking for help — it is your holiday as much as it is everyone else’s.
“Make a budget — how much money can you comfortably and sensibly spend? — and don’t feel pressured to go over it. Start the new year as financially healthy as possible.
Finally, she says, fend off the end-of-year blues by focusing on what is within your sphere of influence to change. “Whether we have Novemberitis or not, the best thing we can do for ourselves right now is to proceed gently and cut ourselves some slack. We need to preserve what little energy and enthusiasm we have for the things we can do something about.”
THE BEST THING WE CAN DO FOR OURSELVES ... IS TO PROCEED GENTLY AND CUT OURSELVES SOME SLACK