Serial de-lidder on the loose

IMMEDIATELY upon reading Helen Walne’s “In Short” snippet (Human League, January 8) I rushed into the pantry to check the state of my Tupperware lids only to discover there were lids missing!

I am now convinced we have a serial de-lidder operating in Cape Town.

Do you suspect that the lids are being trafficked to other exotic households? China, perhaps?

Could it be aliens with a fetish for anything saucer-shaped?

Whoever the perp is, the tops seem to be the turn-on. Perhaps this “creature” has early development issues and now has Lid-Retentiveness – what do you think? Maybe you could call on Stephen Mulholland – the pretext being to put the lid on some issues he is having – after all, who knows where the poor lids might end up (God forbid they end up on top of a bottom in a same-sex household), then try and have a peek in his kitchen cupboards.

I am considering calling in the services of Piet Byleveld to investigate.

I did go down to the Diep River SAPS to open a docket, but was turned away as they had no pens available to complete the paperwork – just the tops ’cause these had string tied around them. Eh!

Maybe you should try the string – make a hole in both lid and top and loop a piece of string through.

Perhaps we can set up a De-lidded Victim support line? 0860 TUPPIELID. People could sell their stories to certain mags: “I was de-lidded by mystery creature: The Helen Walne Story”– Huisgenoot.

Please let me know if your investigation turns up anything.

Enjoying your column.

Diep River