Teen moms need society’s help to rebuild their lives
SO THERE I was at 42 with a 14-year-old teenager, thinking my life was really going quite well – well, the “babying” part of it anyway. No more paying for babysitters, no more perfecting the intricate cursive shapes of the letters of the alphabet, no more nagging about dental hygiene, no more slogging away at the stove every mealtime…
But, it seems, I did forget there are other challenges during the teen years.
And one of those challenges planted itself firmly in my life’s path.
Arguably one of the most devastating, unexpectedly mind-numbing challenges for a parent – teenage pregnancy.
My daughter gave birth to her baby boy a month shy of her 15th birthday.
Two years later and we’ve come through it mostly unscathed.
We have a mischievous chatterbox bundle of joy – none of us could’ve imagined that we had so much love to give one little boy. He’s the love of our lives and a daily reminder of how far we’ve come But was it challenging? Yes. Did I initially try to wish it away? If I had to be honest, yes.
As a young grandmother, did I do the right thing for this little bundle of joy and his young mom? Yes. Yes. And yes.
And this is where, Mr President, I would like you to sit up and listen.
With all due respect, your callous and illinformed comments about young mothers and their babies undermine my efforts and the efforts of many other parents who strive to give their children and grandchildren a normal existence in an abnormal situation.
How can you glibly state that it’s best for young girls to be separated from their babies until they’ve completed their schooling?
Five weeks after giving birth to her son, my daughter resumed school in Grade 9. Her baby was looked after by a day mother paid for by me – we were lucky in that I was able to so.
And while mother and baby were away from each other for at least eight hours a day, their reconnection at the end of the day was something to behold.
Two years later and that bond is still there – he hasn’t spent a single night outside his mother’s bedroom.
I chose to provide full, unflinching support from day one.
Not an easy feat, when she had to juggle schoolwork, and we had to contend with a sometimes crabby baby, and a tired work- ing mom (me). But we made it work. Mr President, it worked because I chose to view my daughter’s untimely pregnancy as a speed bump and not an obstacle to her future.
I chose to view my grandson as an innocent infant who deserved the best chance at life.
I chose to equip my daughter with education so she could adequately provide for her son.
I chose to encourage her to forge a bond with her son because she has to learn the les- son that there are consequences to actions.
All these choices have seen my daughter, now close to 17, grow into a mature young lady, who takes her responsibilities as a mother seriously, and who excels academically as is evidenced by the accolades she receives at school.
But, most importantly, I’ve given her a life lesson that from the dark days of adversity there is the possibility of success at the highest level.
Put quite simply, she is successful at being a young mother and she is successful in her studies at school.
Mr President, my view is that you haven’t sat quietly and mulled over the damage your comments have made.
Even your generalisation that grants are being abused at the expense of rearing these innocent little lives is downright foolhardy.
Very few parents or grandparents would put their needs over the incessant cries of a child who wants a sip of milk or a slice of bread.
What lesson are we teaching our young moms if they’re allowed to give birth then move on to complete their education without appreciating the indelible print they’ve left on their own and their families’ lives?
Your comments are short-sighted and not thought through.
While teenage pregnancy is undesirable, it’s even more undesirable to break this bond that is inherent between a mother and her child.
My message to you is: a teenage mom, more than anyone else, needs society’s support to put back the puzzle of her life that fell apart when she fell pregnant.
Don’t make her choose between her baby and her education. We’d be doing her – and her baby – a disservice.