It’s been real: The Tonight Fake TV Awards
COME 2016, several award ceremonies are going to take place. But before we get there, as we celebrate the year that was, we look at some of the individuals who made headlines in TV land. In paying our respects to them, we have organised a non-existent award ceremony, hosted on a non-existent day. We honour these people by reading the speeches they would have read in accepting our awards.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2015 Tonight Fake TV Awards. And the winners are:
For winning SA’s Got Talent – DJ Arch: I would like to thank my dad for teaching me how to DJ. I would also like to thank my friends at creche for dancing to my first mixes at break time. I was shocked that many people said I was cheating. They have had forever to practice and three years ago, I wasn’t even born!
Fashionista – Somizi: Thank you for recognising the effort I put in my look. Not like some companies that invite us to things only to waste my outfits. I also don’t get why people were saying Lannister, Lannister to me at Idols SA. What is a Lannister anyway? Where can I buy it?
TV Host Misfit – Aya Mpama: Eish, yaz’ I don’t know why people thought I was on Our Perfect Wedding to replace anyone. I just like smiling and weddings. Plus, they allowed me to catch the bouquet every week. I never said I was funny.
Meme King – Tbo Touch: Ya’ know, I don’t get these people, man. I attend the MAMAs rocking my expensive Arab head gear, the keffiyeh, and these locals think it’s a bandage. I meaaan really? King of the Hustle – DJ Sbu: (as he waves the Mo Faya can) Forbes cover or not, Metro FM or not, speeding fines or not, I am still at the top of my game. What people need to understand is that we have to do these things for ourselves because no one will do it for us. Mo Faya is a premium brand that... (the security scuffles with him for the mic). Omnipresent Thespian – Richard Lunkuku: It has been a really good year for me. I have been on several great TV shows including The Road, Ashes to Ashes and the dope international show Black Sails. No one my age has ever done this feat in one year. But people do not recognise all this. All they want to talk about is if I can hook them up with something from OLX. Still I Rise – Anga Makubalo: You may have seen me in that soapie Generations last year and when we rebelled, I was labelled as the last person expected to succeed. Well, in your face haters! Your girlfriend obviously dances to my songs, especially Not Guilty with Professor. I am also now hosting All Access Mzansi with two hotties – Nomzamo Mbatha and Mbali Mkosi. You can still call me MJ, like they did on Generations, because I’m Bad.