Breaking the cycle of bad behaviour
We need to instil solid values in the home, to have strict routines and positive reinforcement. We need to prioritise
FOR SOME of you the quote “Manners maketh man” was first heard in the movie Kingsmen: The Secret Service. In fact, it comes from 15th century Tudor England, when the motto was created by William Wykeham for his school.
But what does the motto mean? It can be defined as mannerisms and behavioural characteristics making you who you are, whether it be gentlemanliness, a sense of fair play, doing the right thing on all occasions, being beyond moral reproach.
Why have I referred to this? Because I am fascinated at how we, as humans, have supposedly revolutionised in form, technology and knowledge, yet have diminished to pandemic proportions in our manners and attitudes.
Characteristics of the unruly generation:
Ill-mannered Whiny Raucous Narcissistic Angry Miserable Arrogant Rude Defiant
These characteristics are all negative and the youth today have an inner belief that the world “owes” them. One cannot really blame them, when their behaviour has been cultivated in the home. Even the nicest of families and best of parents unintentionally raise children who have this notion.
We, as parents, can deny it; however, we are all guilty of “giving in” at some point or another. This slip-up can lead to power struggles, inconsistent discipline and parental exhaustion, and eventually we have produced an affiliate of the unruly generation.
Example: Your child refuses to eat breakfast and you are in a rush to get to school. You don’t want your child to get hungry, tired or ill at school and at this point will do anything to get him or her to eat. You give them a biscuit, but what you think is a good deed and means you are a caring parenting has given birth to the following:
High blood sugar spikes, which will eventually dip leaving your child more tired, dizzy and grumpy.
A culture of being rewarded for bad behaviour (not eating breakfast).
Disrespect for authority.
Reasons for the increase in unruly behaviour
Diet – high sugar, processed foods, additives, monosodium glutamate, tartrazine, hormones.
Allergies – research has shown that allergies to medication, foods and other histamines can result in bad behaviour. Behavioural symptoms manifest itself as anger, aggression, tantrums, mood swings, depression and reduced concentration. The levels of hormones and neurotransmitters in the brain are altered by the allergen, histamine is released and toxicity can cause inflammation in the brain, which also leads to behavioural and cognitive changes.
Television – Children today are exposed to more explicit content on television. This exposure leads to anger, aggression and immoral behaviour. Continued exposure also leads to mimicking undesirable conduct.
Diagnosed disorders – ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), depression, anxiety, mood disorders, sleep disorders.
Although these are real causes of unruly behaviour, the home has the potential to cultivate a generation of respectable children.
Generating desired behaviour:
Show respect (children mimic your behaviour).
Obey rules (speed limits when driving, seatbelts, do not blaspheme).
Illustrate chivalry (open car doors and doors of buildings for others, wait your turn, always say please and thank you, give up your seat to older person).
Do not demand respect, because respect is earned. Your child does not have to like what they have been asked to do, they just have to comply with it.
Don’t only punish bad behaviour, reward good behaviour too. Notice it, it will make the behaviour more desirable.
Have a routine in place with regards to homework and an open door policy with regards to questions. This way they will be getting the right information and always feel they can approach you for guidance, direction and counsel.
Have a strict bedtime routine (sleep is extremely important for childhood development).
Show them the positive outcomes of good behaviour versus bad behaviour, and give them the choice. Should they make the wrong one, they need to reap the consequences.
Then and now
Then: breakfast, lunch and supper was eaten at the table. Now: eaten in front of the television . Then: homework was done at home with a stay-at-home mother straight after school.
Now: too many extramurals, aftercare and play allowed and therefore homework is done too late. The child is too tired and no effort is put in.
Then: no exposure to media in the week, only books and outdoor play.
Now: tablets, television, internet and exposure to sites which could contain explicit content.
Then: no cellphones and more communication.
Now: no communication and constantly on cellphones.
Then: sex was taboo before marriage and there were chaperoned outings.
Now: sexting and pornography are common among teens.
Then: cooked meals were eaten with the family and dads were home by 5pm.
Now: more fast food is available and more mothers are single parents.
Then: food was fresh, organic or home grown.
Now: food is genetically modified When we, the parents, were growing up things were more wholesome. Today we are too busy, too rushed, too egotistical and greedy in our need to get further in life, despite the consequences. These lead to adrenal fatigue, divorce, inconsistent discipline to relieve current strain, poor eating, minimal family time, and a need to please children to compensate for absence. What does this show? That we are the problem. Not our children, but us.
We need to slow down and prioritise. The way we behave will be mimicked by our youth. What we instil in the home will be followed through in the school. The world has changed and we, for the first time, are not responsible for evolving it, but should revert back to the way we once were.
Lee Koets er is a remedial therapist with more than 10 years experience. She specialises in developing programmes to build learning bridges for pupils. Facebook or tweet her atop icon education and parenting–Facebook: Mama sand Papas or Twitter :@ Mama sand Pa pas 3