I need an overseas substitute for my early morning rusk

I’M NOT a morning person. Unlike some of my more energetic friends, I stagger out of bed with reluctance and totter to my kitchen in my gown and slippers to pour myself a cup of strong coffee and sit on my front step, dunking a rusk and making small talk with my cats. I do not do gym or do “aquacises” or go for a dawn run. I dunk. I shall be visiting my children and grandchildren overseas soon and will probably have to find a substitute for my early morning rusks. Other countries don’t seem to stock rusks in their shops, and this is a bit of a mystery to me. The rusk is one of South Africa’s signature foods. A good rusk is designed to absorb exactly the right amount of liquid when dunked into a cup of coffee or tea. We should be exporting them to other countries with missionary fervour. Think of the foreign currency we could be earning.

The Americans apparently dunk doughnuts in their coffee, which is obscene.

A doughnut is already a squishy thing. Dunking it can only result in a sugary mess.

I shall be scanning the shelves of Tescos and Walmart for that familiar box of Ouma’s, but doubt whether I’ll find any.

Keeping in touch

One of the delights of writing the daily Tavern of the Seas column is the response I get from readers. Without regular feedback from you, this would be a lonely job and I would probably run out of ideas pretty soon.

I also find readers are a beady-eyed lot, ready to pounce on any mistakes or lapses of memory on my part. After I had written of my delight at the news the electric cables in front of my house were going to be hidden underground, I had an e-mail from Brenda (obviously a regular Tavern reader) asking whether this was a seasonal thing. Apparently I mentioned the unsightly cables in a column almost exactly a year ago.

I am very flattered that somebody should remember something I wrote 12 months go.

I had long forgotten what I’d written. I must be getting old.

Talking of readers’ responses, I find it interesting to discover just how people read the Tavern column. Some readers tell me they like to start their day by heading straight to the joke at the bottom of the page to put them into a good mood to face the day. Peter van Kervel wrote to say he left the Tavern column for last, to cheer himself up after being plunged into deep gloom by the rest of the newspaper.

Well, it’s good to know I’m spreading a smile here and there.

Last Laugh

If somebody were to return to the world from 100 years ago, what would you do to impress that person most? You’d probably say: “I carry a small device in my pocket that allows me to follow all the news in the world, give me accurate weather forecasts and guide me to any destination I like.

“I use it to look at cute pictures of cats.”