‘Black Friday’ has nothing to do with us in SA

ICONFESS I have been rather irritated recently by all the “Black Friday” sales in local shops. Any excuse to get rid of surplus stock and our shopkeepers grab it. The next thing we know there will be a rash of Transylvanian Vampire Full Moon sales. Black Friday is a purely American concept celebrating the buying spree in the run-up to Thanksgiving Day (which is not a holiday in South Africa). Apparently it’s when shops get their bank balances out of the red and back into positive (black) numbers.

It has absolutely nothing to do with us and most South Africans, I suggest, haven’t a clue what it is all about. In fact I overheard an elderly shopper in one of our local stores saying to her friend: “This is so racist! When are we going to have a sale for us white people?”

While I’m in grumpy mode I wonder how some shopkeepers select their staff. It certainly can’t have anything to do with product knowledge. I went into a music store recently and asked whether they had any CDs by Patsy Cline. (Don’t smirk. I happen to like country music.)

The two prepubescent girls in charge looked at each other and rolled their eyes. “Who?” “Patsy Cline,” I said and the one asked: “How old is she?”

I imagined they might ask the same question if I’d requested a Mozart opera.

“Mozart? How old is he?” Or maybe “What group does he play in?” (He plays the clavichord in the Heavenly Choir, I’d reply, but the sarcasm would be completely wasted. Patsy sometimes sings a solo for them too.)

Zimming gracelessly

On Tuesday evening I switched in my TV set just in time to watch the news, which was dominated by scenes of Zimbabweans rejoicing at the resignation of their geriatric reptilian president.

I hadn’t seen such a display of public joy since South Africa won the Rugby World Cup 10 years ago.

I remember a middle-aged lady clutching an empty bottle and hanging on to a lamppost in Kalk Bay for support and shouting: “I haven’t seen such celebrations since VE Day.”

I wondered how many South Africans watched those Zimbabweans dancing in the streets of Harare and said to themselves: “There! They’ve shown us how it’s done. What are we waiting for?”

Last Laugh

Freddie used to go to the local pub every Wednesday and have a few drinks with his pals. This irritated his wife, Martha, and one Wednesday she said: “I’m sick of spending every Wednesday at home alone. You can jolly well take me with you.”

So Freddie reluctantly took Martha to the pub and said: “What would you like to drink?”

Martha didn’t drink so she said: “I’ll have whatever you have.”

Freddie ordered two double brandies and handed one to her. Martha took a big gulp of her drink, turned red in the face, gagged and spat the drink all over the counter. When she had recovered her breath she yelled: “This stuff is revolting!”

Freddie calmly took a sip of his drink and said: “There you are, you see? And all this time you thought I was out enjoying myself!”