Proud of my row of buckets filled with rainwater

IT’S AMAZING how the Cape’s drought has changed our attitude towards water. When the first big drops of rain fell on Monday, my immediate reaction was to gather buckets and set them up under every available drip to catch as much as I could. By the time the rain had stopped I looked proudly at my row of full buckets and felt rather like Winnie the Pooh in his contemplation of his jars of honey. This, I said to myself, is true wealth. Keep your stocks and shares; display your Rolex if you like.

I have enough buckets to flush my toilet daily until Workers’ Day without using a drop of municipal water. I also topped up my cats’ drinking supply. (In a spirit of good citizenship I have given up drinking water myself. It’s too precious to swallow.)

Being an optimist I feel reasonably confident that we will be having more rain as winter sets in properly and I expect to see the city’s supply dams filling again. Being a realist, however, I don’t expect to see our punitive water rates ever coming down again.

This whole (some say fake) scare story about “Day Zero” has provided our city council with a perfect excuse to hit us hard in the wallet. In fact, we are quite likely to be punished cruelly for co-operating with the city’s water-saving campaign. By now, every suburb is bristling with rainwater tanks, pumps, well points and grey-water systems.

When water does become available again, the demand for municipal water will probably be lower than it was, so the city will say it has to raise the price yet again to balance its books.

Many of my gardening friends have, by now, pulled up most of their water-loving plants, created cactus gardens and replaced their lawns with wood chips or artificial turf.

I foresee the day when lawn sprinkling systems are regarded as interesting antiques, stored in the attic alongside the Super 8 movie projector, grandpa’s whaling harpoon and great-granny’s pedal-operated spinning wheel.

My monthly municipal bills all come with the cheerful message, “This City Works for You”. It does, indeed, but it certainly isn’t working for a minimum wage. If things get any worse I may have to employ a cheaper city.

Meanwhile, I read in our suburban newspaper that many motorists refuse to pay traffic fines. According to the article, 2 800 warrants have been ignored, resulting in a shortfall of about R3.3million.

It’s a tricky situation. How much would it cost for the city to arrest 2 800 people and, once you have arrested them, what can you do to them?

Our jails are overcrowded so we’d simply have to issue more warrants for the culprits to ignore.

Last Laugh

A university science professor went to the pharmacy and asked the assistant: “Could I have a bottle of acetylsalicyclic acid tablets, please.”

The pharmacist looked puzzled, asked. “You mean aspirin?”

“Yes, that’s it. I can never remember these fancy names.”