Taking steps to ensure nothing goes to waste

IT’S NOT only water we’ve come to regard differently since they set the Day Zero bogeyman loose on us drought-stricken Capetonians. We now regard all our natural resources as precious. I, for one, have become quite miserly about electricity and shuffle about my house in warm slippers and three jerseys, switching off lights as I go. My two cats sit hopefully in front of the heater, just in case I relent and switch it on.

It’s a gas-fired heater, but gas is also a natural resource, so it’s also on short rations. (Last year we suffered a dire shortage of gas and people were tearing about the city following rumours that this or that dealer had received a new shipment. The gas shortage almost caused a petrol shortage.)

I’ve even become rather stingy about human energy. I have an app on my cellphone that counts the number of steps I take every day. The theory is that if I reach my target number of steps I will remain supple and fit until I reach a ripe old age. (Not being allowed to bath any more I am already there as far as the “ripe” is concerned.)

The tricky part is that the app obviously works only when my phone is in my pocket. I sometimes get up and stroll to the kitchen and then remember my phone is lying next to my chair.

If I remember when I am still only a few steps from my chair I turn and dash back, grab the phone and start again, muttering crossly that I wasted six precious steps.

Damn! If I return to my chair before discovering the phone lying there I sometimes rerun the whole trip, this time with the phone and adding a second circuit of the kitchen table. Forgive me if I sound paranoid about the whole thing, but that’s what shortages do to us.

Now that the rains have returned several of my friends are admitting to being slightly puzzled about how to manage their recently installed Jo-Jo tanks. One block of flats in Fish Hoek has installed four huge talks and all four are now full.

What now? Do the residents start using the rainwater or save it in case the rainy season doesn’t come up to expectations. It would be a bit irritating to continue paying big municipal water bills while watching the excess rainwater spill out of the overflow pipes on the tanks.

I suppose it’s the same when saving money for your retirement. You don’t want to end up in debt, but at the same time you don’t want to die leaving an unused balance in your bank account. Think of the fun you could have had spending it instead of sitting in the dark saving electricity.

Last Laugh

Two lions were strolling through the Kruger Park and the male lion kept licking the female lion’s bottom. Eventually she turned round and growled: “I wish you wouldn’t do that. It’s very irritating.”

“Sorry,” said the male, “but I just ate a politician and I’m trying to get the horrible taste out of my mouth.”