Phones have your number to play tricks on you
IDON’T THINK the communications companies do enough to advertise the sheer fun of owning a phone. My telephone has provided me with hours of bizarre entertainment over the years. My conversations sometimes make the scripts seem sombre. Unfortunately, the Indian scammer who used to call me regularly about my windows has given up on me. I enjoyed my chats with him.
He started by telling me that he was calling from Windows and they had detected a problem with my computer. “Do you have Windows?,” he’d ask. “Oh yes, I have many windows,” I’d reply. Then he’d start his spiel about Windows and I’d launch into a long description of the problems I had with the hinge on my bedroom window that needed oiling and the cracked glass in my bathroom window and the kitchen window that was jammed.
The more I rambled on about my house windows, the more frustrated he became until he would slam down his phone in anger. I miss him.
I also enjoy wrong numbers. They’re good for a chuckle. The phone rings and a male voice asks to speak to Susan, but there are no Susans at this number, so I say politely, “I’m afraid Susan’s not here now. Can I take a message?” “Do you know when she will be back?” “Probably next Tuesday,” I say. “She went off with that wrestler chap of hers.” From that point the conversation can become seriously entertaining.
Recently my cellphone beeped and I answered, “hello”, in my normal (male, I hope) voice. An equally male voice asked, “is that Linda?” “Yes,” I said in my deepest voice, “Is that Alice?” “Who’s Alice?” It turned out the caller was a friend of mine who had pressed the wrong button on his keypad .
We had a chuckle and the next time he phoned me I saw his name on my cellphone screen and answered: “Hello Linda”.
I believe smartphones have a strange sense of humour and sometimes like to play little pranks on us not-so-smart humans.
My phone often dials the numbers of people on my contact list without any help from me. The experts call it “butt dialling”, but I believe phones do it just to enjoy the confusion. I suppose phones get bored too.
The phone rings and I answer it. “Hello John,” I say, because his name popped up on my screen. “Hi Dave,” he says. After the usual pleasantries there’s a pause and John says: “Why did you phone me?” “I didn’t phone you. You phoned me.” “No, I didn’t.” “You did. That’s why I answered my phone.”
Life was so dull when we used ordinary phones.
Last Laugh
The husband was complaining about the high housekeeping expenses. “I hand over a lot of housekeeping money to you every month,” he grumbled. “I wish I knew where it all went.” “Well, you just go and stand sideways in front of the mirror and you’ll see,” she retorted.