BLACK IS THE NEW GREEN
A FRIEND who lives in Gauteng recently came home and was horrified to be greeted by his wife with a coal-black face.
“Are you thinking of joining a minstrel group?” he asked.
Hardly able to move her lips she explained through clenched teeth that she had applied a charcoal mask to her face as it was the very latest way to achieve a smooth, youngerlooking skin.
He felt rather doubtful about the possibility of charcoal making her look younger, but later when he went to his local shopping mall he found a display of toothpaste with the brand name White Glo, which claimed to be enhanced with charcoal to give you gleaming white teeth.
Apparently, the ancient Khoi people knew the benefits of charcoal in their health regime and probably rubbed charcoal on their teeth as a toothpaste.
When you think about it, the only raw materials available to the Khoi were sand and charcoal. Not much of a selection. I never had the privilege of inspecting a mouthful of Khoi teeth, so I can only accept what I am told. Maybe they never had to clean their teeth because all their food was coated in charcoal anyway.
The new charcoal regime reminds me of the time a few decades ago when chlorophyll was the flavour of the month. It was claimed to be the product of sunshine on green leaves and we had a rush of green toothpaste, green soap, green chewing gum and probably green face masks, too.
Chlorophyll was said to make your breath smell sweet, and reduce body odours. One wag penned the rhyme: “Why reeks the goat on yonder hill, who simply dotes on chlorophyll?”
I haven’t heard of chlorophyll for ages. I’d forgotten about it completely until the charcoal craze arrived. I believe black will soon be the New Green and we’ll be seeing shelves full of black soap, black shampoo, black mouthwash and black deodorants.
The trend will probably last a year or so, until some marketing guru declares that yellow is now the new black and we all switch to yellow products (enriched with the sun-warmed benefits of organically grown pumpkinatine, as discovered by the ancient Peruvian Plinka people 4 000 years ago and used in ceremonies honouring sun god pumpkitoatzal.)
Aren’t we a gullible bunch of suckers! We have to admit if life is a circus there’s no shortage of clowns. Last Laugh
A puny little man applied for a job in a logging camp. The foreman looked at him dubiously and asked: “Are you any good at swinging an axe?”
“I can show you,” said the man and picked up a heavy axe. He stepped up to a vast redwood tree, swung his axe and in less than 10 blows the tree toppled.
“That was incredible!” said the fireman. “Where did your learn your woodcutting skill?”
“In the Sahara Forest,” the man replied.
“You mean the Sahara Desert?” “I believe that’s what they call it now, yes.”