LEAVE THE PARTY POLITICS FOR THE PUB

WHEN I arrived home from my holiday, the lamp posts in my street were decorated with election posters, making the neighbourhood look quite festive.

I only ever see posters for two of the political parties in this part of the world. This is rather strange, as there are 13 parties represented in Parliament and more than 100 registered parties throughout the country.

We are obviously a nation of party people. It’s not difficult to form a political party in South Africa. You pay the Independent Electoral Commission a registration fee of R500 and give them a list of at least 500 people who will support your party.

You need a party name that can be shortened to a few initials (such as ANC or DA or Cope) and a logo that will identify your party on ballot papers.

I can’t help wondering, though, why on earth anybody would want to form a new party. With more than 100 to choose from already, there must surely be at least one that represents your political ideals. Wouldn’t it be simpler – and cheaper – just to investigate the various party manifestos and join the one that fits your principles?

Assuming you have collected 500 followers and persuaded each of them to donate a rand towards the registration fee, where do you go from there?

You need to hire venues where you can spread your message, print posters to put on lamp posts, and pamphlets to explain your political viewpoint.

It would help to have a bunch of T-shirts handy for supporters, just in case a television crew bumbles into one of your meetings.

At this stage, I suspect your original 500 supporters are thinking, “Sod this for a lark! Politics is too darn expensive for me,” and drifting into other pursuits that don’t involve boring political meetings.

I wonder whether the forthcoming elections will see any new parties represented in Parliament.

I’ve always fancied voting for Kiss, the Keep It Straight and Simple party, but they have never fared well at the polls.

If I were to form a party, I’d call it the CBP – the Congress of Bar-room Philosophers. My reason for this is simple. No matter what problems the country faces, you will find the answer by listening to the folk leaning on the counter of your local pub.

Whether it’s a matter of finance or transport or education or health, just raise the subject in the bar and you’ll get a solution.

“Ag, it’s easy man. All they need do...”

Politicians should spend more time in pubs.

Last Laugh

Two friends were in the pub discussing the sorry state of the world, when one asked: “Where do you think the word ‘politics’ comes from?”

“Oh, that’s simple,” replied his friend.

“‘Poli’ comes from the Greek word meaning ‘many’. And we all know what ticks are – irritating blood-sucking pests.”