NEEDY FOLKS IN CELLULAR WORLD

WHEN did cellphone companies become such bullies? I was recently woken from a peaceful after-lunch nap by an aggressive woman’s voice that informed me that, since I had been a loyal customer of her cellphone server for so long, the cellphone company was rewarding me with a three-in-one SIM card and a new 24-month contract, and then she began speaking in numbers, mentioning gigs of data and gigs of time and after-hours hogs or whatever and goodness knows what else.

She was obviously reading from a prepared script and speaking very fast.

She kept pausing and shouting, “Do you accept this? Say yes or no?”I said I didn’t have a clue what she was asking so I couldn’t say yes or no, but her response was: “I need you to say yes or no.” (Frankly, I didn’t think her needs were any concern of mine, but she was a very agitated lady.) At one stage during her rant, she said I had to confirm that my address was in “Simon’s Road”.

I said no, Simon’s Town Road, as in Simon’s Town, in the Cape” “The Eastern Cape or the Western Cape?”she yelled. I wondered where she came from if she hadn’t heard of Simon’s Town.

She then said her supervisor also “needed” me to say yes and handed her phone to her needy supervisor. I ended the conversation dazed and confused.

The following day, a courier van pulled up and a woman handed me a parcel, but before giving it to me she said she “needed” copies of my ID card and proof of address. Lots of needy folk around in the world of cellphones.

The parcel contained a three-inone SIM card, but no instructions as to what I “needed” to do with it. I took it to the local cellphone store, where they said they couldn’t help me. I had to phone the head office, which is in an imposing Greek temple in Century City.

The minions in the Greek temple passed me from department to department until I threatened to sever all ties with them and start from scratch with a different company. The only human who actually gave me a name was a woman called Kego, who seemed to care and gave me a reference number. It was 15 digits long.

They must be having a lot of queries if their reference numbers have passed the billion mark! She advised me to throw away the threein-one SIM card and ignore the whole horrible incident. I suspect I may have landed up with two cellphone contracts instead of one. Kego, if you read this, please help.

Last Laugh

After being deaf for some years Grand-dad bought a stateof-the-art hearing aid, so tiny it fitted invisibly in his ear.

An old friend asked him what his family thought of the technological marvel and he chuckled and said: “I haven’t told them about it yet”; “Really?” said the friend. “Are you going to tell them?”

“Eventually,” said Grandpa. “In the meantime, I’ve changed my will three times.”