MANY IN SA WONDER WHY WE HAVE A RULE BOOK

AT THE boarding school I was sent to, more years ago than I care to remember, two things were compulsory: sport and religion. We could choose which subjects to learn (I never studied geography, which is probably why I often get lost), but everybody played rugby in winter and cricket in summer.

If you could produce a doctor’s certificate, you could play hockey instead of rugby. I never understood the logic behind this, but it was the rule.

There was no escaping cricket. Or religion. I was hopeless at sport, but was regularly selected to play in teams such as the Under-14 E team, which once played cricket against the local ladies’ team and was humiliated. I was bowled out first ball by someone’s granny.

I sympathise with our national Proteas side. Maybe they should challenge a team of grannies.

Looking back, I suppose the whole idea of making sport compulsory was to teach us about teamwork and discipline and the need to obey rules, rather than how to bowl a googly.

I remember being told there was really only one way a batsman could be “out”. When the umpire raises his finger, you’re out. End of story.

Much as I disliked sport at school, I sometimes think all schools should have a compulsory programme of sport, even if it’s only to teach young people the importance of having a set of rules and obeying them.

Today our political leaders talk casually about “levelling the playing field”, or “moving the goal posts”, as though those are part of life’s game.

Maybe we are confused because we refuse to accept playing fields are sometimes uneven and goalposts are occasionally crooked. In our society the goalposts have probably been stolen and incorporated into an “informal” house.

Many South Africans are beginning to wonder why we bother to have a rule book. The rules are blatantly ignored and nobody seems to care. The umpires have left the field.

We read every week about the people involved in “state capture” and we tut-tut and say what a naughty bunch of rogues our leaders are, but we seldom see them given a red card and sent off the field. They simply smile and claim they have “done nothing wrong” and keep on playing.

They obviously never had the privilege of compulsory cricket, or they would know it’s no use saying “I never touched the ball.”

If the umpire raises his finger, you’re out. Well, that’s the way it used to be long ago, when there were rules.

Last Laugh

At a funeral, the preacher spoke at length about the dead man.

“He was kind and generous and loved everybody and was a respected member of the community, well loved by all who knew him,” he said. “He was devoted to his family and looked after them with care and devotion.”

At this point, the man’s widow turned to her grandson and whispered: “Jimmy, you go up there and check that it’s Grandpa who’s inside that coffin.”