EATERIES MUST BAN CELLPHONES

THE Cape turned on its brightest smile for my guests from England this week.

There was hardly a ripple on the sea, the sky was a cloudless blue and there was just enough of a sea breeze to rustle a few leaves and waft the ocean air across my patio.

It was the kind of day that turns even the cheapest wine into ambrosia. I travelled home from a meeting, taking the Main Road through Muizenberg, St James and Kalk Bay.

All along the way restaurateurs were taking advantage of the weather and set out tables and chairs on the pavement. The French Riviera couldn’t have done it better.

Then I noticed an interesting thing. Without exception, every one of the café guests had their heads down, eyes on their little screens, thumbs twitching away furiously.

The cyberspace must have been humming with a soup of electronic tweets, Twitters and twaddle loud enough to drown out any squawks from the seagulls circling overhead.

I began to wonder whether the human race was suffering from an epidemic of “reality denial”.

Maybe we’ve forgotten about seeing the world with the “naked eye”. Many people who are hard of hearing are able to hear the sounds around them only when they wear their hearing aids.

Could the modern generation have become so hard of seeing that they can only appreciate the world around them when viewed on a screen? Some of the pavement tables had young couples seated at them, both thumbing away furiously.

I wondered whether they were communicating with each other or sharing their afternoon with Granny in Gauteng.

I wondered whether they’d eventually look up from their screens and say in surprise: “Oh gosh, it’s you! Did you see the fishing boats?

“I sent them to aunty Alice. They’re having rain in New York. She loved the seagulls I sent her.”

I’m beginning to think it might be time for good restaurants to ban the use of cellphones completely.

I’m sure we’d be able to survive a whole meal off-screen. After all, we can sit through a movie or play with our cellphones switched off, so why shouldn’t we survive a phone-free plate of fish and chips?

Would the wine taste sour if we didn’t send a picture of it to Uncle Alex in Los Angeles? Would the soup be too salty if we didn’t show it to Bobby in Bothaville?

Reality can be quite pleasant when viewed though the naked eye. You should try it.

Last Laugh

“Why are you unwilling to serve on the jury in this case?” The judge asked a potential juror.

“Because I don’t believe in capital punishment,” the woman replied.

“But that wouldn’t apply here,” said the judge. “This is a case where a woman is suing her husband for spending their lifesavings on booze.”

The woman thought for a moment, then said: “I could be wrong about capital punishment.”