GL63 is totally OTT but really irresistible
GL63 AMG defies logic yet it’s a desirable and intoxicating vehicle
IORDER malva pudding and the waiter asks if I want custard or ice cream to go with it. Stupid question. I want both, dammit. And want a cherry on top too.
Sure, the dietician that exists only in my head waves an admonishing finger my way, but this is one of those guilty pleasures too irresistible to acknowledge with common sense. Same goes for my SUVs, and when I order mine I want it huge. And not only do I want seats for seven, massive 20” wheels, and more electronics than Dion Wired, I also want the whole package powered by a honking bi-turbo 5.5-litre V8 hand-built by AMG.
Fair enough, only a certain few will appreciate the excesses that are the Mercedes GL63 AMG, and at just a touch under R1.7-million even fewer can afford it. But this is one of those guilty motoring pleasures too irresistible to acknowledge with common sense.
Like almost every other AMG product, the GL63 is based on a much more practical version of the car – in this case an SUV with offroad credentials to rival the best Jeeps, Landys and Cruisers. Before the boys at Affalterbach laid their hands on it, this behemoth could raise and lower pneumatically, intelligently send power through a series of difflocks to the wheels with the most grip, and, because of this, go just about anywhere.
And now, as an AMG, it can’t. But it does go really fast. It’s powered by the same twin-turbo V8 as other Merc 63s including E, SL, ML, CL and S-Classes, but in this application it gets a specific state of tune with 410kW and 760Nm. This means this Goliath SUV can hoof it from 0100km/h in only 5.4 seconds and then easily saunter its way up to a limited top speed of 250. All this while returning a real world fuel consumption of just a hair under 20l/100km. What did you expect, frugality? Not gonna happen.
Flooring the throttle results in a strange sensation where the whole rig rocks rearward before a ruthless unleashing of forward momentum. The sudden rush of acceleration is awesome, but it feels like you’re piloting the beast from atop a flagpole. AMG has tried in vain to hide the GL’s immensity, but a high seating position only exacerbates the fact that you’re surrounded by 2.5 tons of top-heavy metal.
The suspension gets three firmness settings, but I found the softest far too wallowy. Even in its hardest mode the GL rocks and rolls like a dinghy on the high seas, and hard deceleration, as well as aggressive steering inputs, give impetus to its omnidirectional sway. It all makes for a very comfortable ride though ... just don’t expect to charge around your favourite corner with pinpoint accuracy.
The GL’s all-wheel drive format carries over, but it’s more for grip on tar than it is for offroad traction. Still there’s much more ground clearance than your average sedan so it is possible to mount those allimportant shopping mall pavements (you might have to because it’s literally too big for some parking bays), but I’d draw the line there.
The front bumper hangs quite low for any real adventuring, and its low-profile 275/50R20 tyres just aren’t designed for the dirt.
It’s a cumbersome vehicle to say the least, but the space this big body provides is excellent. With the rearmost seating row folded flat, the