A football book that will have you in stitches
HOW TO BE A FOOTBALLER Peter Crouch Loot.co.za (R256) EBURY
WHO knew that a footballer could be funny? Peter Crouch is the beanpole striker who has played for England 42 times and holds the record for the most headed goals in Premier League history – mainly because he was so much taller than everyone else.
And now, he turns out to be a genuine droll with a gimlet eye for the absurd. This isn’t an autobiography, more a series of humorous observations. What you realise, as you laugh out loud, is that football has been taken too seriously by too many people for too long. Plan your goal celebration wisely, otherwise you’ll look like a prawn.
Tattoos are ridiculous:
Nile Ranger has “Ranger” tattooed across his face. Crouch writes: “I don’t understand this one… surely he’s not going to need reminding of his own name.” Endorsements, clothes, haircuts, Steven Gerrard: all come under the unforgiving Crouch gaze. Most other football books wither by comparison.