Rape culture: black women’s nightmare

BLACK women live in a society that constantly reminds them that they are not human enough.

For every pain and violence against their bodies, society finds an excuse about why it happened.

We are constantly blamed for being raped – that it is our fault; we asked for it. No one sits and asks themselves how we manage to cope with all of this.

Black women have wounds that will never heal because they are told to forgive and endure when they do not even get justice.

Justice to a black woman is a foreign concept, something that seems far-fetched. Being a black woman means fighting for your life every day, living in fear of what might happen.

Our homes are not safe. In the streets we are not safe. You are taught how to escape rape or how to defend yourself when that time comes.

No one seems to have told rapists not to rape!

Male privilege shields and protects men beyond the imagination.

If a man rapes you, it is a case of there certainly being something wrong with him psychologically, or your being drunk or wearing a short skirt so you asked for it.

Men never seem to be in the wrong. It always seems to be the woman’s fault.

A rape culture means the normalisation of rape in a society – against the interest of the women. A rape culture is violence against a woman’s body.

A rape culture is evident when we say to a child “do not report it, it is an embarrassment to the family”.

It is when we question the victim as to whether they are sure they were raped or if it was just rough sex.

A rape culture is also not only about penetration but the habit by men of undressing you when you pass by or making sexual comments.

It is when your boss feels free to say something about your sexuality or how you dress.

A rape culture is evidenced through victim blaming.

It is when we say to a married woman “no, he did not rape you, you are his wife and therefore he is entitled to have sex with you”.

Rape culture is when we ask a victim whether she screamed or not? Rape culture is when we say your NO was not strong enough – as if there is a measurement of how big or loud a NO should be.

Rape culture is the sexualisation of a woman’s body by society.

Black women and girls have been silenced about rape.

We have been blamed for all the pains that emerge from the rape culture and we have been left to pick up our own broken pieces.

When a woman has been raped, society tries to get smart about rape, ascribing rape to her dress or choice of company among other things, forgetting that the crux of the matter is about consent.

Women have been made to feel guilty about who they decide to associate with, how they choose to have fun and the clothes they wear by the very same society that seems to view rape as a norm.

One of the problems women face is that when they voice out their fears and their experiences, they hear people saying “but men get raped too”.

That too reflects rape culture because at that moment the person is actually attempting to make rape seem normal.

We will continue to feel suffocated and afraid of rape as long as we continue to associate the struggle against rape to a certain gender, as long as we continue ripping each other apart and not coming together as one to fight this horrible giant called rape.

In our view a rape culture will only end when males not only support us on Facebook or Twitter, but run their own campaigns that seek to end rape.

And a rape culture will only end the day that women believe other women when they say they have been raped.

A rape culture can end when we stop making women feel ashamed for reporting rape, where policemen are not throwing out comments about how the woman was dressed.

A rape culture will end when society stops teaching males that women’s bodies are their property to own and that women are there to satisfy men sexually.

A rape culture will stop when society stops justifying men who exact brutality against women’s bodies.

Mdingi Isasiphinkosi is part of ACTIVATE! Change Drivers’ Network of more than 2000 young leaders connected to drive change for the public good of South Africa