Signs that show you need better communication

Ever felt like something in your marriage was a little off? It ’ s not that there ’ s a huge issue to sort out necessarily. It ’ s that you just aren ’ t connecting the way you know you could.

It ’ s safe to conclude all marriages face conflict at varying levels. From time to time, we all deal with his silent treatment instead of talking when he ’ s upset; or her paying more attention to the children than her husband. Neither of you can quite agree on the shower temperature and therefore, have resigned yourselves from ever showering together. This, you tell yourself, is normal after a couple of years into any marriage, right?

The coping mechanisms we develop when we cannot get our way may determine not only how we experience marriage, but also how far the relationship will go.

Pinpointing the challenges that relate to communication can be difficult for some couples. Usually, at least one partner struggles with recognising that their style of communication may be ineffective.

If you ’ re wondering whether your marriage needs better communication here are six signs that let you know for sure and what you can do about it.

● Nothing seems to ever get resolved with your disagreements

— A couple that continues to argue about the same things without a resolution in sight definitely needs better communication. It often means someone isn ’ t listening or isn ’ t expressing themselves clearly.

You can improve by setting rules of engagement with your partner. Before having a heart to heart, determine what goes and what doesn ’ t. A few examples include promising to listen without interrupting, or being solution focused instead of pointing a finger.

● You ’ re not talking as much as you used to — There is just too much that happens in life and within a relationship that needs to be discussed. How you feel, what you need and why, must be shared with your partner. A couple whose marriage has gone silent will need to figure out why, because silence is not golden in marriage. How will you know where your partner is mentally, emotionally or spiritually if you aren ’ t talking like you used to?

You can improve in this area by starting small and then building back up to how you used to communicate. Breaking grounds on small stuff like fixing your spouse tea, if you know that ’ s what they like, or giving them a foot rub may be what ’ s needed to break the ice.

● Doing the opposite of what was said — If you or your spouse are saying one thing and doing something different, there is a possible disconnect in your communication. People trust our word. When it isn ’ t clear or doesn ’ t match our actions it affects our reputation and the amount of trust people put in us. Be careful with your words. Make sure you can support them with action.

You can improve by being clear and honest in your communication. It ’ s OK to say you don ’ t know, or to even ask for time to figure things out. Being truthful and doing what you say you will do, will benefit your marriage.

● Every little thing turns bigger and out of control — It takes very little to rub each other the wrong way. And it often feels like you have to walk on egg shells. In fact, you ’ d rather leave issues hanging than confront them. Your marriage needs better communication and more understanding. It may seem you ’ ve lost patience with one another. You need to consciously choose to love every day. Remind yourself why you chose this person among many, and focus on that.

Also using the pause technique, which will remind you of the power there is in taking a moment, and biting your tongue during a disagreement. When you pause, you can process things better and determine why you ’ re so upset.

● You ’ re not clarifying, acknowledging or validating ... something ’ s wrong — In order for communication to improve in your relationship, you have to be willing to tick these boxes. Clarifying helps you to be sure you heard what was said.

It ’ s important that you are on the same page. Validating it, even if you don ’ t agree or understand, is a display of compassion.

It ’ s OK to say “I totally understand

way.” why you feel this That statement doesn ’ t make anyone right or wrong, it simply shows you understand their position.

● Things become consistently one-sided — This is a major breaker in many relationships. When one person in the relationship has the sole responsibility of controlling all lines of communication, all plans, and all decisions, it ’ s time to pay attention.

It may be that the controlling partner throws tantrums or panics or refuses to listen to the other. It may be that the idle partner has washed their hands of all responsibility.

It may seem as though you ’ ve lost patience with one another. You need to consciously choose to love every day. Remind yourself why you chose this person