Reasons to fight for your relationship

Marriage, like any type of relationship with another fullygrown human being with flaws, is not easy.

It takes a lot of deliberate work to maintain it. Notice the phrase, “deliberate work”, because nothing automatically falls into place.

You don’t just fall out of love, or develop separate interests in marriage unbeknown to you overnight.

You get there deliberately and gradually — often by taking excessive interest in stuff that’s to your exclusive interest or that doesn’t benefit the relationship.

It’s unwise to plant a garden and rely on the rain to water it, and not even remove the weeds from time to time.

We also understand that there are exceptional circumstances where it cannot be expected that a couple remain together, like abandonment, addiction and unrepentant infidelity, as well as abuse.

However, the importance of the role of marriage in society is not diminished because of these ills.

And while there are more than enough platforms that encourage couples to walk away at the smell of trouble, discussions behind the beauty of marriage and the many reasons to stay are rarely highlighted.

There are many reasons to hold on to marriage, and here we briefly discuss a few.

Your marriage vows

On your wedding day you entered into a covenant that was sealed by binding solemn promises in the form of vows, commitments, public declarations and agreements.

Through those vows, you created a healthy soul tie with your spouse, one that will adversely affect you, should you choose to break them for whatever reason.

Unlike a mere contract, vows are kept by doing something whether your spouse does their part or not.

Your commitment to permanence

We live in a society of clichés, sound bites and fitting in.

We have a generation that cares less about the discipline of time and sacrifice, yet have a fantasy of a “forever after”.

They want trust without the patience of building, faithfulness without the investment of integrity, and love without the discipline of commitment.

As marriages go through ups and downs, the more our society cultivates a mindset that believes divorce comes as easily as marriage.

But when marriage no longer has a strong sense of permanence, it becomes easier to exit than to hold on during those hard times.

However, marriage is still for as long as you both shall live.

Your history together

As a couple, you’ve already been through a lot together, and you’ve created a wealthy bond.

The value in the history that was created has made you the people you are today.

Throwing that bond away is like flushing a critical part of your life down the drain.

Isn’t it wiser to use these life lessons by improving your relationship with the very person you’ve had those experiences with?

Happiness is overrated

Yes, we’ve said it! And happiness is in fact a very weak pursuit in marriage.

Are you willing to give up on your marriage just because your partner no longer makes you happy?

Really? Whose burden is it to ensure that you’re happy?

Because in as much as it isn’t your responsibility to ensure that your partner is happy, it sure isn’t theirs to guarantee your happiness.

Our obsession with “happiness” often exalts hedonism at the expense of what really matters in marriage.

In a world filled with thorns and thistles, happiness is shortlived. And bad things do happen to good people.

As such we don’t always have to bail out of marriage just because we are treated in a manner that’s undeserving. The world owes us no great marriages.

Peace and satisfaction instead of happiness are far better pursuits in marriage. Happiness will then be a by-product of that pursuit.

As marriages go through ups and downs, the more our society cultivates a mindset that believes divorce comes as easily as marriage

Your children

The responsibility of giving your children a safe, balanced and complete family falls on to your shoulders — as a couple — as soon as you bring them into the world.

Even with differences that may arise, it’s important to model for your children what commitment, love and compromise are all about.

In circumstances of conflict it’s incumbent on you to model how to navigate such situations.

Divorce will upend the stability of your kids’ world, well into their adulthood. Unless their emotional and physical safety is threatened, the two of you owe it to them to be mature and adult enough to cultivate a healthy marriage for your own sake first, and for their benefit.