A generation running away from love
Social and dating coach Makabelo KB Motaung asks if this is the year we say goodbye to Valentine’s Day and love?
WE ARE a generation where it’s clearly not cool to be in love anymore, or anything that represents the idea of love freaks us out. We’ve got used to not showing affection, and whoever shows signs of being in love is regarded as the weaker link. We even have names, such as being “whipped”, to describe someone who is possessed with love.
I mean, look at our reality shows – we had more genuine dating or love reality shows in the past than now; shows such as All You Need is Love. Now we have shows like Date My Family, although the intention with both is finding love.
What makes them different is that one gave people an opportunity to make a fool of themselves, swallow their pride and express their undying love for another person in front of the whole nation.
Date My Family, on the other hand, doesn’t require anyone to express anything to do with love. I could go on about the show but I’m not writing this to critique it, I’m simply trying to prove a point: that we are a generation running away from affection!
That said, I ask, what then is the future of Valentine’s Day? And what are the statistics showing as far as our generation is concerned, with love – or with this day that used to be a lovers’ day, a day of being affectionate, of expressing love?
I’m not even going to compare my mother’s generation to ours but let’s look as recently as 10 years ago. When asked what makes one happy in relationships now, the answer might be freedom or independence.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to want that, especially these days, but isn’t it funny that we don’t want emotions that tie us to another person? What are the chances that the answer could be long-term commitment?
We have terms to justify why it’s cool not to surrender to love… we call it settling now; if you surrender, you settle?
We have more dealbreakers than deal-makers in relationships… No one wants to live for someone else now. It’s no wonder that R&B isn’t the same as in the 1980s or 1990s.
A song like No Living Without You by Celine Dion wouldn’t sell now, even if it came with a beat to twerk to. It’s cooler to sing “I can have another you in a minute” with Beyoncé than to sing “I can’t live without you”.
What will our reference or template of love be now? The movies we watch? The books we read? Are we still going to have couples we look up to and admire in hopes of one day finding what they have?
I mean heck! most of the married people I know make marriage look scary. They have outside relationships, kids, family and affairs – no respect whatsoever for their marriage or each other.
Again I ask, if days like Valentine’s or anniversaries have no future anymore, what about love?
Such days don’t match our lifestyle anymore. Yes, we can go around saying you don’t need one day to express love. But take that day away, and do we even express it at all?
We are more single, more open to non-standard relationships (open relationships, swinging), we are a generation that has more singles, is having more sex, is drinking more, popping more pills, has more excuses, than any other generation that has ever lived.
Love doesn’t hurt us; people do. Love doesn’t choose; we do. We can still allow love without losing the convenience that comes with modern times.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you all, single or not. Love it up!
Makabelo is a social and dating coach.
She is a Goddess facilitator and entrepreneur. She is a regular contributor for SABC1’s Mzansi Insider, Power FM, and the urban youth radio station VOW FM.
Makabelo helps young adults create social lifestyles, gain confidence and find some success in their daily and romantic endeavours.
Connect with coachKB on Facebook and Twitter: @Iamcoachkb