Don’t discard kin in their twilight years

DON’T discard your parents or grandparents in their twilight years because of the scourge of Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or even Parkinson’s disease; it is not their fault.

As we enter the season of the greatest celebration – that of Mother’s Day – let us ponder this.

Perhaps the greatest tragedies besides death is to watch our loved ones – those who gave us life – degenerate into a world that erodes their well-being, dignity and humanity right in front of us – and which we can do very little about.

Dementia is a very real medical condition in which a person literally gets lost in a world of oblivion and a dark space that we as the so-called “sane” people may never understand.

Yet, many a family may have a member, or know of a family, in which this affliction rears its head.

Dementia, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s are debilitating, degenerative diseases that consume our very being, generally as we get older, and no one is immune from such conditions.

Quite often it’s the luck of the dice, but each and every one of us are prone to be victims.

For those unfortunate to suffer any of these, it is harrowing – they not only suffer – but equally, their families suffer too.

Without going into the medical aspects, we all need to take time out and learn a little about these debilitations because our humanity will be tested to the extreme should we encounter any of them.

To put it bluntly, a person suffering with any of these conditions literally becomes another person – their loss of memory, loss of inhibitions, depression, anxiety and a whole plethora of untoward behaviour as a result, far remove them from reality – and it is not a pleasant sight.

Taking care of such an individual is an unenviable task – we have to alter our lives to ensure their wellbeing and safety, and many are not equipped for such changes.

It may very well be, but that was their investment in me, without saying it, that there will come a time when the roles may be reversed – and then it will be my time to do the caring and loving as they did for me.

It almost came to that in 2020, when, just after my mom’s passing, that my dad contracted Covid-19 and was literally on his deathbed. Whether subconsciously, or by obligation – or simply by knowing that my duty as a son was mirrored by my parent’s duty to me when I was a child, that I had to play the exact same role my dad played.

Not all the wealth in the world nor all the gold will alleviate their despairing world – but our love and care will be sufficient payback. After all, they did not ask for their situation, and all of us – without exception – could well end up in that very same spot.

If you are in a situation to care for your loved one with the most horrible of maladies and you have the ability to do so, then do it – without question. NARENDH GANESH | Durban